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“Let me know what you want to do. It’s up to you,” I said, filling the large pot with water.
“I want to.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding. It was what I expected, I just wasn’t positive it was a good idea. I texted Nick the news, and he immediately responded with a “Yes!” and several thumbs-up and smiley face emojis.
He was ridiculously excited to spend the day with my son. When had Hunter’s dad ever felt that way? The answer was never. And I was sick of his explanations about what was too hard or if he had a breakthrough with his therapist he might feel differently. He wasn’t going to change, and I needed to get over it.
While I held the phone, waiting for the water to boil, the phone rang. My heart thumped harder when I saw it was Seth.
“Hello,” I said carefully, worried about what the timing of his call meant. It had been months since he’d asked to see Hunter.
“I was hoping I could see Hunter.”
My jaw tightened as I glanced over at Hunter, who’d gotten his homework out of his bag and was working diligently on it. Love for him poured through me. He was mine to protect. I didn’t like how Seth’s calls affected Hunter and me. I almost wished he wasn’t around at all. Because what he was doing wasn’t healthy either.
An ache formed at the base of my skull. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
He sucked in a breath. “You can’t be serious.”
I’d never denied him before. I’d placed reasonable limitations on his visitation. When Hunter was a baby, Seth came to my place and held him. But he wasn’t allowed to go anywhere with him for a long time. And even then, it was short. I wasn’t sure what would happen if Hunter was with Seth when he had one of his episodes where he convinced himself he couldn’t be a dad and left Hunter somewhere to fend for himself.
“We’re really busy with baseball and work,” I said as I turned off the burner on the stove and moved out of the kitchen. I didn’t want Hunter to listen to the conversation. I wasn’t sure how he’d take it if I told his father he couldn’t see him.
“That’s bullshit.”
His words hit me like a ball to the stomach. “You want to know what’s bullshit? This shitty father dance you’ve been doing since Hunter came home from the hospital.”
“I can’t believe this.” His words were full of disdain.
“I’m done with this conversation. This relationship isn’t healthy for Hunter or me.”
“We always said we wouldn’t go to court. You’d let me see him when I wanted to.”
“Yeah, well. Things change.” I’d gotten everything I wanted during the divorce. He was so eager to be rid of us that he gave us whatever I wanted, sole physical and legal custody of Hunter, visitation when I allowed it, several years of alimony, and child support. At the time, he wasn’t working because he was too distraught over having a son, so the support was ridiculously low. I’d never asked for more. Half the time, he didn’t even pay it. It was time to stand up for Hunter and me.
“I never thought you’d be like this.”
I didn’t know what that meant. “I never thought you’d work so hard to have a baby only to bail on him.”
I used to add me to the sentence, but him leaving the marriage was the best for me. What I felt for Nick was something entirely different than I’d felt for Seth.
“You’re having a bad day. I’ll call back later.”
“I won’t change my mind.” But I wasn’t sure if he hung up before or after I issued my vow.
I dropped the phone on the coffee table in the living room. My hands were shaking, my heart thudding painfully in my chest. After years of tiptoeing around his mental health issues and excuses, I felt good finally taking a stand. I should have done it years ago.
He didn’t get the right to be a father on his terms. I was past coddling him and giving in to his desires. He needed to step up or get out. I was done playing things his way.
“Was that my dad?” Hunter asked from the doorway.
I turned slowly to face him, regret coursing through me. “I didn’t mean for you to hear.”
“Thank you.”
I crossed the room to be closer to him. “Why are you thanking me?”
“I get my hopes up, and then he doesn’t come.”
