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“And what? Nick is the difference?” So it wasn’t my fault that we couldn’t get pregnant. It was Seth’s? I couldn’t even focus on that realization because all I could focus on was that I might be pregnant, and the father might not stick around—again.
“Don’t panic yet. We don’t know for sure. You could be sick.”
There was that one time we didn’t use a condom. It was a possibility. But I tried to think rationally about it. I’d put the possibility of getting pregnant naturally out of my mind years ago. I had to in order to temper my expectations when Seth and I were going through treatments.
“It’s so unlikely. I’m not going to worry about it.”
Brooke covered my hand with hers, squeezing it lightly before letting it go. “We’re here for you.”
“Hopefully, it’s just a false alarm. I’m probably coming down with something.” I smiled at her, but it must not have been convincing. She looked more worried than I felt.
I tried to re-focus on the game, but thoughts of hitting a pharmacy the next day kept invading my brain. I didn’t have any pregnancy tests in my house. I’d confiscated them when we started fertility treatments. They were always negative. There was no point in keeping them around because I’d test incessantly only to get the same results.
After the second inning, Nick moved Hunter to shortstop. We got a few runs, but the other team easily won. I wasn’t sure how Hunter would take it.
I waited with Ben and Brooke while Nick talked to the players. He went over the positive things he saw and the things they’d work on in future practices. Then he asked who had fun. Most of the kids cracked a smile at his question, called out, and raised their hands.
Nick nodded. “The only thing that matters is that you had fun.”
He’d be the best dad. He was so good to the kids and his nephew. I knew without a doubt he’d step up, didn’t I? There was always the niggling doubt that I couldn’t seem to get over. Even if he said he’d stay, how could I trust it? Nick wasn’t Seth, but I couldn’t forget that Nick would do what was best for Brody.
Staying in town if it bothered Brody wouldn’t be good for him. Wouldn’t it be selfish to ask him to stay? I needed to take a step back. I didn’t even know if I was pregnant. Hopefully, it was a false alarm.
Hunter gathered his things and met us by the fence.
“Great game. You looked fast out there,” Ben told him.
“Thanks, Uncle Ben.”
I loved that he’d taken to calling him uncle even if they weren’t married yet. Brooke and Ben were meant to be together, their marriage inevitable. And Hunter sensed that.
“How are you doing, bud?” I asked as we walked toward the car. I needed to focus on Hunter. Not whether Nick spoke to me after the game or not.
“Nick said I pitched well.”
“You did.”
We said good-bye to Ben and Brooke, but before we walked off, Brooke pulled me aside to hug me and made me promise to call her if I needed her to be with me when I took the test. I would definitely take her up on that offer. I couldn’t do it alone. I asked her to stop by the next morning with the tests.
In the car, Hunter went into a play-by-play of everything he did in the game and asking if I saw. I forced myself to pay attention to him, not to spiral into what-ifs. There was no point in worrying about something that I wasn’t sure happened.
At home, I made Hunter eat a snack and take a quick shower. It was late, and I was beyond exhausted. When he was finally tucked into bed, I checked my phone.
There was a missed call from Nick, so I returned it. My heart beat hard in my chest the whole time I waited for him to answer.
“Hey,” his voice came over the line in a low, comforting tone.
“You called?”
“I wanted to see if Hunter was okay.”
As sweet as him checking up on Hunter was, I wished he’d called to talk to me. But he didn’t know what was running through my head, and there was no point in bringing it up until I knew I was pregnant for sure. “Your talk helped.”
“Oh good. I was worried after that first inning.”
I chuckled. “I was too. He’s never been hit on like that before. That first one was almost a homer.”
“That would have sucked.”
