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Finn faces me and brushes a piece of hair behind my ear. “I should have kissed you that night.”
His words take me by surprise. “It wouldn’t have changed what happened.”
“I know.” He slowly rubs his thumb in circles in my palm. “But it may have changed me.”
“How do you mean?”4
“Sometimes, I think…maybe I could have kept more of my humanity if I had shared it with you. Even if only for one night.” Like a razor-sharp blade, his words carve into my chest, clawing apart something already too brittle.
“What humanity? Did you ever have any to begin with?” I don’t realize the rage seeping through the broken pieces until I hear the anger in my own voice. I shove him hard in the chest, “Where was your humanity when you killed my people? When you tied me up and tortured me? When you nearly got me killed because of videos you leaked?”
Tears stream down my face, cathartic yet bitter. I push him again and again. “When you held a gun to my head? Where the fuck was it then?”
He takes each blow with a step backward, but no words. Doesn’t even give me the dignity of a reply. Stone-faced and cold. “Answer me, you fucking—” my breath catches on a sob, “bastard.”
He’s only an inch from the edge of the dock, but it doesn’t stop me from slamming into him with all my weight. His eyes fly open as his feet slip and he falls back. Grasping out, he grabs my wrists and we both go flying into the frigid water.
The sting of the cold water fuels my fight, and I come up for air, sputtering but intent. I find Finn’s shoulders and try to push him back down. Our legs tangle in the water lily vines and water splashes in our struggle.
He tries to shove me off, but I swing around to his back and wrap my arms around his neck. “Why, Finn? Why are you so determined to destroy me?”
He still hasn’t said a word, only grunts and gasps as I kick him in the stomach or plunge his head under the surface.
“Say something, you coward!”
He dips under the water again, but this time, he twists on his ascent and grabs my arms, propelling us until my back hits the small metal ladder off the dock. I fight in his vice grip, screaming and kicking.
“Effie,Effie!”
“You ruined me. Youruinedme, Finn.” I sob, thrashing in the water. He pins me with his hips, and I buck against him, pushing as much as I can with my arms captured.
The paddle. The ring. The sketch.
All these things flash through my mind and my heart, and it feels like my soul is being torn in two different directions—
Suddenly, hot lips are on mine, rough, cold hands are clutching my face. My head spins and I give in to the urging tongue, licking at the seam of my mouth, I melt into the palms on my cheeks.
Finn breaks the kiss but keeps my face held tightly to his. “Christ, I didn’t know what else to do,” he says breathlessly, and I’m sucking in hungry gulps of air.
“I hate you.”
“I know,” he sighs, pressing his wet forehead to mine.
“So let me go.” I twist and turn, but he keeps me pinned against the hard edges of the ladder. “Finn, goddammit, let go of me!”
“Ican’t,” he says like it physically pains him, and I get the impression he’s not just talking about right now, right here. His hand skates down my waist and bunches in the soiled material of my dress caught up in the water.
The tighter he holds me, the harder I fight back, tearing and pulling at his shirt until it rips. My hands hit his bare chest, and a bolt of lightning courses through me. I can’t help it.
All the energy put into pushing him off begins fighting to pull him closer. He desperately palms my bare thigh, pushing away my dress.
Our mouths crash into one another again, and I can hardly breathe but can’t get enough of him either. I twist my finger into his hair until he groans against my lips, and I eagerly swallow it down.
His hands are everywhere at once. Roaming my thigh. Pulling away my panties. Groping my breast. Pinching my nipple. Collaring my throat. Tugging my hair. I am lost in the heat of him and the cold of the water.
His torn shirt flutters at his sides, and I rip it off his shoulders, baring him all to me. My fingers dip deeper to wrestle with his soaked jeans and once I undo the button he kicks them down.
“Finn,”I breathe.
