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I sigh, knowing we would end up here. Because I don’t want to have this conversation stark naked, I snag my clothes off the floor and quickly put them on, then I rejoin him in bed.
“I know.” God, why do my words sound so downtrodden? I should be ecstatic, shouldn’t I? Isn’t this what every woman wants? The best quarterback in the league wanting more with her?
“Don’t sound so thrilled.”
Hurt pools in his eyes, and I take his hand. “It’s not that. It’s just… that fact brings a lot of real problems along with it.”
He nods. “I know, but I’m sick of having to hide away at either my place or yours. Aren’t you tired of sneaking around?”
“Of course I am, but what choice do we have? The rules are really clear—you and I cannot have a personal relationship and both work for the Kingsmen.”
“Maybe if we go to Giles together and explain the situation—”
“Absolutely not!”
He covers our hands with his free one. “If we explained that we knew each other before you started—”
I drop his hands and stand from the bed. “And what, admit that I kept that fact from the organization during the interview process? Tell them I’ve been lying for months now to everyone I work with? How exactly do you think that’s going to go down?”
He walks over to me and grips my shoulders. “Listen, throwing my weight around isn’t something I typically do, but—”
I brush his hands off my shoulders. He’s got to be joking. “But what? You’re willing to do it for me? I don’t want you to, Lee. Even if they did grant us an exception, how do you think I’d be seen by my coworkers or the public?”
He shrugs. “They’d see you as my serious girlfriend, which is exactly what I want… what we both want, right?”
I step into him and cup his cheeks. He’s stood on that pedestal a little long and believes not all rules apply to him. “I’d like nothing more than for us to be a couple. To hold your hand down the street and arrive on your arm at parties. Not have to look over my shoulder all the time. But it’s not the reality of our situation. Everyone would think of me as a gold digger or the girl who’s trying to sleep her way to the top.”
He covers my wrists with his hands and brings them down from his face, kissing my knuckles. “But that’s not who you are. I know that.”
“I know you do. But do you think I’m going to be comfortable going to work every day when all my coworkers are whispering about me?”
He drops my wrist and pushes a hand through his hair with frustration, giving me his back. “So what do we do then? What’s the answer?”
I wish I had a good solution, but I don’t. The situation is impossible. “Either we keep going along like we are or—”
“Or we stop seeing each other,” he finishes.
I nod, frowning.
We stand in silence for a few minutes, neither one of us looking at the other. I’m nauseated by the possibility of things ending with Lee.
Lee looks contemplative, standing with his hands on his hips and staring at the floor until he lifts his chin and makes eye contact with me. “I hate this.”
“Me too.”
He steps into me and wraps me in his arms. “I can’t let you go. I know it’s selfish, but now that I have you back, I’m never letting you go.” He kisses my cheek.
“I don’t want to let you go either.”
He runs his hand up and down my back. “We’ll figure it out. Let’s see what the rest of the season brings.” I nod into his chest, then he draws back. “Enough of all this heavy shit. We should be happy. We both just admitted to each other that we want more than sex.”
A wan smile crosses my lips. “Yeah, I guess.”
“What should we do to celebrate?” He’s obviously trying to muster up some enthusiasm.
I play along, trying to ignore the fact this will probably end with a bang.
The Kingsmen lose their next game against Los Angeles. Then it’s the week before Thanksgiving, so the team prepares for their game against Arizona.
