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My jaw clenches briefly, but I inhale a deep breath to try to relax. Being back at home has not made it any easier. Every word out of my mom’s mouth is a direct dig at me. “He did. It’s lovely. But then why wouldn’t it be? Eric can do no wrong, right?”
She shuts the drawer and faces me, forehead wrinkled. “What’s that mean?”
I guffaw. “Like you don’t know. You guys think Eric walks on water. He can do no wrong while everything I do is wrong in your eyes.”
I hold my breath when the words are out of my mouth. I’ve never said anything like that to either of my parents and I have no idea how she’ll react.
“That’s not true.”
Her response only further fuels my anger. “It is so. You’re always disappointed in me—when I didn’t win the spelling bee in fifth grade, when I didn’t get valedictorian for my class like Eric did, when I left law school, when I left my cheating fiancé… should I go on?”
“We just want what’s best for you.” She comes to stand on the other side of the counter from me.
“I believed that. At first. But cutting me down because I can’t achieve perfection just makes me feel like I’m never going to be good enough. Why won’t you trust me to decide what’s best for my life?”
She’s quiet for a moment, and to my surprise, tears fill her eyes. “I worry for you. I only ever wanted you to be happy.”
I sigh and take her hand. “Then sometimes you need to trust me. I won’t always get it right, but I need to be able to make my own mistakes and not feel like you’re going to be disappointed in me.”
She sighs. “It’s hard when you’re a parent and you have to watch your child go down a path you don’t think is right for them. Someday you’ll see.”
I squeeze her hand and let it go. I think this is the best I’ll probably get from my mom, and though it’s not entirely what I’d like to hear from her, I’ll take it. I feel better having said something when I was too scared to for years. At least she knows how I feel now.
“I’m going to get going.”
She nods. “You look very beautiful tonight. Have fun.”
I smile at the rare compliment. Maybe she is trying.
It takes ten minutes to drive to the restaurant where we’re having drinks. Thankfully, Shayna and Bryce agreed to come out to Santa Clara to see me so I don’t have to drive into the city.
The moment I walk in and see them already waiting at a table for me, I feel like bursting into tears, but I suck them back. They stand as I approach the table, and Shayna draws me into a hug.
“How are you?” she asks when she pulls away.
Bryce steps in and squeezes me tight. “Say the word, and I’ll neuter him.” She’s definitely the kind of girl you call when you need someone to help you bury the body.
“Hey, guys.” My voice is sad as I sit across from them.
The waiter arrives to take our drink orders, and they order wine spritzers while I opt for a martini.
“You drink up. We’re going to have just a little to drink so we can drive your car home for you if need be,” Shayna says.
“You guys are the best.” I smile and set my purse on the empty chair beside me.
Bryce doesn’t wait to get into the real issue. “Now tell us everything.”
“Well, what do you know?” I ask Shayna because if anyone knows anything, it will be her, though I have no idea whether Brady even told Lee what went down.
She shakes her head. “Not much. Brady told the guys that you’d left, but he didn’t give any details. Said he didn’t want to talk about it.”
I nod. The feeling is mutual, but I won’t leave these girls hanging. “You know that Hannah arrived home early unexpectedly?”
Both women nod, so I explain the series of events that led to our argument and my packing up and leaving. I tell them I don’t think I’m ready to take another risk in a relationship and how I’m not sure Brady was either. I even tell them about what happened in college with the supposedly single father I was working for.
The waiter brings our drinks halfway through my story, and I take a big sip of my martini, enjoying the burn as it works its way down my throat.
When I’m done, they both sit there for a beat, collecting their thoughts.
