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He looked at me for a few long seconds and then left the bedroom for a minute before coming back holding out to me a crystal glass containing amber liquid. “If you won’t take the sedative, drink this instead.”
“I’m not sure…” My voice trailed off in confusion. My mind was a mess.
“It’s whiskey. It will calm your nerves.” His voice was firm, warning me not to argue with him.
I hesitantly took the glass, the ice clinking against the sides as my fingers trembled. I took a cautious sip, never having drunk hard liquor before. It burned the back of my throat, making me splutter. That small sip was enough for me, and I held the glass back out to him.
He wrapped his fingers around mine and pushed the glass back toward me. “Drink it all.” His voice was as hard as steel.
I looked up at him warily. I knew, however, that he wouldn’t leave me alone until I complied with his command. I slowly drank the rest of it, trying not to taste it and wincing as it burned. It warmed up my insides, but not the cold despair deep within my body.
Once the glass was empty, he reached for it and removed it from my hand. “Good girl,” he murmured.
He gently pushed me back onto the mattress and put me to bed.
The sheets felt cold on my frozen skin. He climbed into bed next to me and wrapped his warm body around mine, making me cling to him, desperate for his comfort.
He held my head against his shoulder and stroked my hair back from my forehead, softly whispering to me and comforting me.
I couldn’t recall much more than that. I didn’t remember what he had said, and I didn’t remember finally falling asleep.
Yesterday evening did, however, make something very clear to me. I had no power in this relationship.
He held all the power, and he had full control of me. He owned me.
***
There were no meals downstairs or dog walks in the gardens today.
Alessio brought up my meal trays and at the same time he took Mr. Fluffy outside, although I could see that he would probably rather cut off his arm than be on dog-sitter duty.
“What the hell is this dog still even doing here?” he asked, not even trying to mask his annoyance.
I turned away and didn’t answer him. I couldn’t think about anything right now except what Cornelio and Jacob had suffered.
I knew what had happened to Cornelio, even if I hadn’t been made to witness it. He was dead.
And I couldn’t feel anything except profound guilt for the role I had played in the death of a man. They said that women in the Mafia were sheltered and innocent, but yesterday I had killed a man.
I had chosen him and uttered his name to condemn him to a violent, painful end. That my choice had saved Jacob couldn’t even soothe me right now.
After picking at my breakfast and barely eating any of it, I closed my eyes again and let the sweet oblivion of sleep take over my mind. That was the only way I could stop thinking about what had happened yesterday.
After lunch I heard a knock and then something slid under the door. I paused and then walked over to retrieve it. But Mr. Fluffy beat me to it and grabbed the item in his mouth. He brought it over to me. I patted him on the head. “Good boy.”
It was a DVD and looked to be a movie about a princess falling in love with Mr. Wonderful. On it was stuck a note saying, ‘Love Debi x’. I was too old for this sort of movie now, but it was a good way to while away the time and at least it distracted me from my other thoughts.
There was a T.V. in the room but it wasn’t hooked up to receive any programs. I crossed my fingers that the DVD player worked and gave a sigh of satisfaction as I pressed play and it whirred into action.
It made me think about when Jess and I had binge-watched these sorts of movies. It was always the same kind of story—girl meets boy, girl and boy fall in love, and then after a few hiccups along the way they lived happily ever after. I remember Jess and I talking about falling in love and wondering if it would ever happen to us. I can’t believe how naïve I had been.
That evening, I didn’t bother waiting for Marco and instead got undressed for bed and got in between the sheets, pulling the comforter up around my ears.
MARCO
As I stepped into the bedroom that evening, I saw Juliana’s body freeze. She had her back to me and ignored my presence, but I knew she was still awake. I felt my hackles rise.
I got undressed and slid into bed behind her. When Juliana didn’t move or even acknowledge my presence, I swung my arm around her waist and pulled her back into my chest like I usually did at night. I had developed a need to spoon her at night, to feel her small body protected by my larger one. She didn’t fight against me to my surprise, although her body felt unnaturally stiff and tense.
