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I walked into the bedroom with Debi on my heels. Debi had asked if she could help Juliana get ready today. She had brought with her an enormous number of cosmetics and what looked like possible torture implements, although Debi reliably informed me that they were hair straighteners and curling tongs.
JULIANA
In the cold light of day, I couldn’t believe that I had let last night happen.
Today I was being made to marry Marco, but last night was far worse in my mind—I had given myself to him willingly. I had wanted him to kiss me, had wanted him to touch me.
I didn’t understand what was happening to me. My mind was in turmoil and shame flooded me every time I thought about what he had done to me, what I had allowed him to do.
I closed my eyes briefly, willing my mind to block out these thoughts and banish from my memory the sounds and the images of what had happened. What would my family think of me? What would the rest of the Società think of me for sleeping with the enemy? I shouldn’t care, but I did.
I sunk my face into my hands, exhaling painfully. I hated my captor.
But even worse, I hated myself.
***
Late morning, I heard a knock at the bedroom door and watched as Marco came in with Debi.
Debi came over to me and gave me a hug. “We’ve brought your dress. You’re going to look so pretty,” she said excitedly. The dress was white and had a strapless bodice flowing into a narrow skirt. White was hardly an appropriate choice given last night, I thought, as I felt my cheeks heat.
I looked at the dress and tried to hide my lack of enthusiasm. I don’t know what made me give in to Marco last night, the day after he had killed my father’s men who had tried to rescue me.
Was it that I had known deep down that there was no escape and that I may as well submit to what he and I both wanted, or was it some sort of twisted attraction to Marco’s power over me? I didn’t know and my emotions had been going around in circles all morning. At least this sham of a wedding would keep me distracted for the rest of the day.
Debi was standing at my side, and she looked up at me shyly. “Juliana? Please could I be your bridesmaid, you know…if you think you might need one?”
Marco looked surprised as if he hadn’t expected Debi to ask that.
I gave a shaky smile. “I would love that, thank you. My sister, Jess, was supposed to be my bridesmaid, but you’ll do just as good a job if not better.”
“We will be like sisters after today, won’t we?” said Debi eagerly.
“Yes, sisters,” I echoed back.
“I’m really looking forward to having a sister,” carried on Debi. “I mean, I love having four brothers, but they don’t really want to talk about clothes or make-up or stuff like that.” I hugged her and wiped tears from my eyes. Marco was watching us closely. “Why are you crying?” asked Debi, looking a little alarmed.
“Tears of happiness,” I lied. I couldn’t shatter this young girl’s innocence. The Mafia life would do that all on its own soon enough.
Marco gave me a small nod as if grateful to me for protecting Debi.
Debi and I set to work on getting ourselves ready. She gushed over my wedding dress. I barely noticed it. But she was a young girl who thought of weddings as fairytales and the groom as Prince Charming. It was better that she thought that for as long as possible.
Debi helped me with my makeup, bubbling with excitement. At least one of us was excited for today.
Mr. Fluffy did not look happy that he was not getting much attention from me this morning. Maybe his whines were because he disapproved of this union as much as I did. He was pretty perceptive for a dog, and he could probably sense my unease.
There was no veil today, nothing to hide behind, nothing to shield me from the curious stares—and I knew I would be a curiosity today. After all, my first wedding had been a bloody wedding.
Everyone would be looking at me, wondering whether it had broken me. I wouldn’t give the Fratellanza the satisfaction of seeing me broken, no matter how broken I was inside.
Debi had a pale mint green dress and wore her dark hair in a ponytail held back with a ribbon. She was going to be a heartbreaker when she was older. She was still shy, despite knowing that she had four older brothers who would tear down the world to protect her.
Later Marco came up with a bouquet of flowers for me and told us that it was time to leave for the ceremony.
“Hey, shortcake, Danio is waiting downstairs to drive you in his car.” He gave Debi a kiss on her forehead, and she gave me a little wave as she headed downstairs to Danio.
“How are you feeling now? Do you need any more Tylenol?”
