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He should. He was a jerk.
Hudson
We’re men. We’re going to mess up.
Maddie
Then I guess you better get good at groveling.
* * *
I goin search of my brother late Friday afternoon, but he’s not in any of his usual places. The family room is empty, the TV turned off. No sign of life in the kitchen, not even the gym in the basement. I know he’s home from practice. I heard him come in while I was on a call with a client earlier. But he’s been quiet since.
We’ve both been quiet this week.
It’s not until Cinder paces in front of the sliding-glass doors that I catch sight of him sitting on the back deck. A light dusting of snow is falling, covering his black sweater, and Brandon is sitting there in the middle of it, sipping something in a rocks glass.
He doesn’t look up when I step outside.
Not even when I take the glass from him and sip.
The fiery liquid burns my throat, warming me from the inside out. “We need to buy a Christmas tree, not drink something that tastes like one.”
“It’s gin, Mads.” He takes the glass back and looks out over the backyard. “Did you ever think we’d be here? After all those years in all those foster homes... I never actually believed we’d make it out.”
“Brandon...” Any lingering anger I may have been holding onto disappears with the vulnerability in his admission.
“I mean, I knew we had to. I knew I had to get you out of there. But I was so fucking scared I couldn’t. I just needed a scholarship. I knew that was our golden ticket. That was our first chance at freedom. At safety. But that meant I had to leave you alone for the first time.” He finishes his gin and slams it a little too hard against the table. “I had to do it, Maddie. I had to take that chance so we could be safe.”
I stand there in shock.
This isn’t something we talk about.Ever.
“Brandon, would youpleaselook at me?” When his nearly obsidian eyes finally lift, there’s so much pain barely contained within their depths, it threatens to bring me to my knees. “You’ve always been my protector. You’ve always kept me safe. And I know you’ve done it at your own expense.”
I sit down next to him on the chilly, wet chair and knock my knee against his. “It’s always been us against the world, and I think we’ve done a pretty good job. I held my own while you were gone. And it’s not like you didn’t stop by every night after practice.” I try to lighten the mood by giggling at the memory. “You smelled awful half the time. Like you brought every dirty gym sock in existence home with you.” When he doesn’t even crack a smile, I get serious. “You’ve always been there. But it’s time. I need you to start letting me face a little more of it on my own.”
“Maddie, you have no idea what the thought of you getting hurt did to me.” He wraps an arm around my shoulder, and I rest my head against his. “I know you’re a strong woman, but it’s always been my job to take care of you. To not find out what happened until after I got home from London made me feel completely helpless, and I haven’t felt that way since we were kids.”
“But that’s the thing. We’re not kids anymore. You slayed all the monsters, Brandon.” An errant tear trails down my cheek before I have a chance to blink it back. “And now you’ve got to trust that I can do that myself.”
“Will you talk to me again if I say I’m working on it?”
A snowflake gets caught on my lashes, and a chill skirts down my spine. “I’ll talk to you again if we can go inside where there’s heat.”
“Mads...” Brandon pulls me to my feet. “Have you ever thought about talking to someone about everything?”
My stomach drops, and a ball of nerves clogs my throat, threatening to choke me. “Like a therapist?”
Brandon nods.
“I guess I’ve thought about it. But it’s not something I’ve ever actively looked into.” Maybe I should. Maybe it would help. We walk into the warm house, and I shake the tiny snowflakes from my hair.
“I made an appointment to talk to someone next week.”
I look at my brother, my protector. Really look at him. This man who’s been keeping me safe since before I even knew what he was doing, and I realize it’s my turn to keephimsafe.
I lace my fingers through his and squeeze. “Can I go with you?”
