Page 100 of Was I Ever Real

He quirks a brow and gives me a look that seems to sayhumor me, darling.

“Okay fine,” I huff, rolling my eyes just to annoy him back. “I’ve been having theseurges—wait, no… not urges… more like sudden fears. Like one day I won’t be able to control my actions.” I peek a look at him, suddenly feeling so ridiculous but his eyes are boring into mine and I force myself to continue. “They used to come as daydreams when I was younger, then they eventually faded. Until they started back up again when I moved in here…” I close my eyes, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Like I’m going to stab you in the heart if I’m not careful…”

Oh my god, I’m insane. I’m literally unwell.

I open my eyes even if I’m not quite ready to face Connor’s reaction. He stays silent for far too long, looking like he’s mulling everything over and the more I wait for him to speak, the more I merge with the pillows and mattress beneath me.

“I never told you I went back to the palm reader,” he finally says.

My eyebrows shoot up. “Really? When?”

“A day or two before you were taken,” he says, averting his gaze, his free hand reaching for his nape in a self-soothing manner.

As much as I’m surprised that he wouldeverentertain anything that woman has to say, I’m not sure I’m following. “What does that have to do with what I just said?”

“Well…” he mutters, his gaze lifting to the ceiling as if trying to recall something. “She said that my birthmark was linked to how I died in a past life. And that—well, that you were somehow connected and I should ask you and not her what that connection was.”

Suddenly, it clicks. “Wait… you don’t think that we… that I… that you?” I close my eyes and take a deep breath attempting to make sense of what I’m trying to say. My gaze finds his again and I blurt it out, “That I killed you in another life?”The words come out as a nervous hiss, my rational mind doing backflips trying to get my attention but I ignore it.

Connor shrugs like none of this is a big deal.

“Don’t you find all of this,oh I don’t know, fucked up?” I say, rattled.

“What’s fucked about it?” he asks in all seriousness.

“What do you mean ‘what’s fucked up about it?’” I repeat, blinking in slight shock before answering. “Let’s say all of this is true and not a complete construct of our imagination, ‘cause honestly who knows at this point.” He lets me take my hand back and I wave both of them around to further my point. “You’re telling me you have no reservations about us ending up together when I have visions about killing you in a past life?” I squeak out.

He gives me one of his cocky curls of his lips and flashes me a smile. “I probably deserved it.”

“Connor,” I roll my eyes again, but I can’t ignore the sudden flash of relief his words have on me like I’ve been waiting lifetimes for him to say just that. “Be serious for a second.”

He drops his smile and settles even closer to me. “I am being serious,” he says, his tone and eyes darkening. “Do you really believe I was a saint in a past life, Lenix? Me? I have no doubt my soul has been damned from the very beginning. Evenifyou did kill me once, I probably had it coming.”

I laugh incredulously. “God, this is so weird,” I say, my gaze down as I play with the sheets laying over my thighs. When Connor doesn’t say anything, I look back up and realize he’s deep in thought.

“Maybe the only good I’m destined for in this life is you, Lenix,” he finally says.

My heart squeezes so tight, it takes a second for me to find my breath.

“What do you mean?” I ask softly.

He blinks, seeming to snap himself out of the daydream he was lost in and looks at me with such adoration that I forget all major motor functions. He leans in and kisses me softly before settling back, his face falling serious again.

“I was the one who gave Martha the money that night.”

For a split second, I don’t know what he’s talking about until the memories begin to piece together and I’m left completely astounded.

“Wait, you’re saying that you were the reason I had a place to stay when I first ran away?”

Martha never told me where that money came from, and now looking back I can’t believe I trusted a stranger so wholeheartedly but it was that or the streets and I was desperate. “You—you basically paid for my new life?” I say in shock.

When I look over to Connor, he seems slightly uncomfortable. “I wasn’t going to tell you at first, I didn’t want you to think you owed me anything.”

“But whydidyou help me?”

“I don’t know actually, I never really thought about it until now. It was just something I felt compelled to do.”

“I can’t believe it…” I utter in disbelief. “All this time… and I didn’t know that you were such a pivotal part of me becoming… Lenix.”

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