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My mouth opens but then closes, swallowing back my retort. Who am I to deny her some sense of peace, even if I personally disagree wholeheartedly. I can’t be just one more person who tells her how to think or what to do when that’s all she’s known her entire life.
Instead, I smile back, my eyes softening, and pull her into my arms. “You’re right,” I say, her hair tickling my nose. “We’re together now. That’s all that matters.”
When we pull away, I notice the sun shining brightly through the window. An idea pops into my head. I give Lucy an amused look. “Have you ever seen the ocean?”
Her eyebrows rise up her forehead, eyes shining. And suddenly, I’m washed over with the peace of knowing that no matter what, we’ll be okay, she’ll be okay.
No matter what, from this point forward, we have each other.
Although Connor prefers his pool, the back of the house also faces the ocean. I considered bringing Lucy to the public beach since for some weird reason I enjoy it best. Most likely because of all the memories I have with Sunny there, or just the fun of people watching. But I decided against it, thinking she might need to ease into crowds and the shock of people wearing bathing suits showing a lot more skin than she’s used to.
So I Iead her down to the small patch of private beach connected to the property. She refused to wear any of my bathing suits so we settled on gym shorts that go down to her knees and a black t-shirt twice her size.
The awe in her eyes when she looks back at me as we both face the sprawling ocean makes my heart melt, like a small child discovering that the world doesn’t end in their backyard. I swallow back the urge to cry, my emotions heightened with having her here next to me.
“Want to go in?” I ask, the soft ocean breeze caressing my cheek.
She looks back to the water, and then down to her toes digging into the sand.
“I’m scared,” she says so quietly, I almost miss it.
She glances up at me, a sad smile on her lips, a few tears tracking down her cheeks and I can’t help but to let my own tears show. It feels like those two words encompassed everything left unsaid—of the daunting mountain she still has to climb and everything she still doesn’t even know exists in the outside world. I could say I can’t imagine what she’s feeling right now, but I do know.
I oncewasher.
I hold out my hand for her to take.
“I’m right here,” I say.
Her smile widens and she takes a hold of my hand, walking tentatively towards the waves, letting her control the pace. A giggle rolls out of her when the water finally licks her toes and we slowly walk into the surf. She keeps us close to shore, the water never reaching higher than our thighs. It’s our own private baptism into this new life. A rebirth worthy of this quiet moment of awe and gratitude, with the sun shining against the ripples of the waves.
We stay like this for a while, the water gently lapping around our legs.
If I could collect perfect moments, I would preserve this one forever. Keep it safe in a locket to wear around my neck, close to my heart.
“This is what freedom feels like, isn’t it?” Lucy says after a while.
I take a long and deep breath, my eyes focused on the horizon.
“I think so.”
Chapter 48
I’vekeptmyselfbusyin the study most of the day. I wanted to give Lenix and her sister some space. I’m catching up on everything that fell to the wayside while Lenix was kidnapped. I take a long drag of the joint, nearly burning my fingers and stub it in the crystal ashtray that used to belong to my father, and lean back into the leather chair.
I chose to wear a suit this morning, even if I have no plans of leaving the house today. I needed to feel like myself, or maybe I needed the armor the suit provides. I needed to slip into the role of Connor Maxwell, leader of the Sin Eaters and not whoever I am lately when I’m around her.
The vulnerability feels itchy, but then I look at her and crack open nonetheless.
I’d rather not think about it, not when the guilt still weighs heavy on my chest, making it hard to breathe.
A knock on the door snaps me out of my spiraling thoughts.
“Yeah?”
Lenix’s head pokes through, and she gives what almost looks like a shy grin.
“You busy?”
