Page 88 of Was I Ever Real

I grind my teeth and breathe through my nostrils trying to rid myself of the anger roiling inside me.

“I’ll get you a new one,” I say, kissing her again but this time with a little more fervor, the heat of her tongue breathing life back into my veins. Pulling away, I study her face—serious but also worried. “I’m not letting you go unprotected, Lenix. I just got you back,” I say, swiping my thumb over her hand, pausing for a long beat. “I’ll go crazy.”

The smile she gives me still holds the same sadness from before.

“I have to go. You know I have to.”

I swallow hard, keeping my gaze steadily on hers. “Fine,” I finally say. “But you’re moving in, pack up your shit while you’re there, I don’t give a fuck. But this is your home now, Lenix. You sleep inourbed now. Got it?” My words might pack a little too much force but I’ve lost the will to care, not when the thought of being away from her for even a few days is making me sick. It makes me want to hit something just to feel my knuckles crack, and focus on physical pain instead of these flaring emotions ripping me apart.

“I need you, my darling,” I rasp.

She stays silent for far too long, watching me, her eyes swirling with so many emotions that I can’t even pinpoint one.

Finally, she smiles, kissing me softly on the forehead while my hand lays flat and wide on her back and I fight back the urge to close my eyes at the feeling.

“Okay,” she says.

She tries to stand up, but my arm is an iron bar around her middle.

Looking at me with an indignant expression, as if I’m being ridiculous, I grin at her.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I say, my voice low, fingers trailing up her thigh and sliding under her hoodie.

“What do you thinkyou’redoing?” she says slightly appalled but doesn't move or bat me away. “Sunny and Lucy are downstairs…”

“And?” I give her my best smirk.

Her legs part slightly and I finally discover that all she’s wearing underneath are bikini bottoms. My thumb finds her heat, sliding up and down over the fabric.

“And… and.” Trailing off, her breath hitching. The color of her cheeks deepens as her hips push forward. “That would beweird.”

I can tell that it’s a flimsy excuse but placate it anyway.

“Weirder than you sitting on my dick in the middle of a meeting?”

The guilty laugh that dances out of her makes me smirk even wider. Then her palm lands on my cock, and I groan.

She leans closer, sucking my earlobe into her hot wet mouth and I lose my ability to think.

Taking this small advantage, she wiggles out of my arms and jumps to her feet. “Patience is a virtue, Connie baby,” she whispers tauntingly.

She turns to leave but before she walks away, I snatch her wrist. “Wait. Let me at least drive you there when you’re ready,” I say hurriedly.

Her expression is warm, her eyes soft when she nods, miles from how she was acting when she came in and I can at least find some comfort in that.

I let go of her wrist, even if all I want is her body next to mine, and watch her walk out of the study. I spend the next few minutes staring blankly at the spot where she disappeared wondering how I got here. And how I plan to stay here with her for as long as I’m alive and breathing—maybe even longer than that.

Chapter 49

Iwakeupwitha start, my shirt soaked through and sticking to my chest. My bedroom is pitch black and for a few harrowing seconds, I think I’m back inthatfucking room. I place a shaky hand over my beating heart trying to calm down and look over to find Lucy still sleeping soundly beside me, Ewan dozing at my feet.

We’ve been staying at my condo for the past three days. The nightmares are getting worse, and I’ve hardly been able to get a full night’s sleep since I’ve gotten back from the commune.

That’s not true.

There was one night when I did sleep through the night. Connor’s arms were wrapped protectively around my shoulders.

I miss him.

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