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Oops.
“Like what?” I ask innocently.
Pausing what she’s doing, she gives me an annoyed look. At that moment, the familiarities between us are glaring, even being apart for thirteen years can’t deny that.
I laugh to ease the tension.
“I can’t help it.”
“I will be fine,” she says, placing some more of my clothes into a cardboard box. “It is not as if you are leaving the city. You will still be close.”
“I know…I just—I want you to be more than justfine,” I say.
“I could say the same for you,” she quips with a knowing smile.
And shit, I guess she’s right.
“I think we both need therapy,” I joke.
“Therapy?”
My smile drops and I groan, my hand swiping over my face in disbelief.
“You have so much to learn, Lucy,” I mutter as I continue to pack up more of my things. “Please use the phone I got you okay?”
“I will try.”
“Maybe I should stay.”
“No,” she says sternly, crossing her arms. “I can do this.”
My gaze lingers on her while I stay silent for a beat. “You can do this,” I say softly.
We spend the rest of the morning packing. It doesn’t take long, I’m only bringing my personal belongings, leaving the rest to Lucy. I’m sad to see my pink couch stay behind, but it’s for the best.
It’s hard not to see the symbolism behind me packing up like this. I know I’m still Lenix. Even if most of my life was spent hiding the truth, she was still the most genuine part of my deceit. Even my shaved head feels strangely purposeful as if even my hair held too much of my past. Now I can start fresh, and become the fullest, freest version of myself.
Surprisingly, my relationship with Connor has become the pillar of this new chapter. The thing that feels the most legitimate. A beacon born from the ashes of my past.
I can’t help but hold on to hope, while still feeling absolutely terrified.
Maybe I do believe in fate after all—when all this feels much bigger than just one choice after the next leading me here—leading me to him.
Bound together.
Chapter 50
MylungsburnbutI stay underwater. I push off the pool wall with the full force of my legs while I swim lap after lap trying to keep my mind as distracted as possible.
Lenix is moving in today. Movers are taking care of her boxes and as much as I wanted to drive her here myself, she insisted she could do it herself after her day at the office. I had to bite my tongue not to bark orders at her like I do to everyone else in my life and reluctantly conceded.
I told Bastian he had to stop coming over unannounced now that Lenix would be living here. He gave me one of his looks like I was the stupidest person alive. I think that meant he agreed, I never fucking know with that one.
Now, I’m counting down the hours till she gets here like a prepubescent teenager having his first co-ed sleepover. I have to stop myself from pulling out the polaroid picture every other minute. I have no shame in saying that I’ve fucked my fist more than once in the past few days, my eyes glued to the damn thing.
Fuck.I’ve got it bad.
It somehow feels like karma for all the times I made fun of Byzantine and how whipped he became after meeting Sunny.
