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“I need the morning-after pill,”I said.
The doctor nodded and tapped into a handheld tablet before handing it over to the nurse. She continued her exam, combing through the short pubic hair I did have and collecting other samples from around my vaginal area. The process was demeaning and painful. The tears continued to come as I laid there, at the mercy of the doctor.
Two hours later, the doctor finally announced they were done with all the evidence collection. My thigh was covered in gauze and a clear adhesive to keep it dry until the plastic surgeon could arrive. Apparently, Aiden had the money or pullnecessary to get someone out of bed and driving to the hospital immediately.
After wheeling me in and out of the room for an x-ray of my neck, I was getting settled in a bigger room on a different floor than ICU. I wondered how much of that was also Aiden’s influence, as we walked by many rooms that held multiple patients. I wouldn’t argue with privacy, not after the horror I had been through and the waking nightmare my life felt like.
“Would you like to shower, Ms. Reeves?”The nurse asked.
The idea of washing away the filth I felt all over my skin was the best thing I could think to do at the moment. I nodded, and the nurse gave me a soft smile. With the help of Ash, I was led to the bathroom behind a door that hadn’t been opened. The nurse handed me two towels, washcloths, and a set of scrubs. Ash sat on the toilet while I stepped under the spray.
As the hot water washed down my body, I felt myself start to shake. Sobs that were stuck in my chest began to bubble up and I couldn’t stop them from erupting. I leaned against the wall and slowly slid until I was on the cold ground of the small shower.
“Brooklyn, what can I do?”Ash asked from the other side of the shower curtain.
I couldn’t breathe enough to answer her. I slammed my hand against the wall, slapping at the tiles, screaming through my wrecked throat. I bent and rocked in a ball under the water, crying for myself, what I had lost, what I could never get back. I cried for how Lyle had ruined another part of my life, ruined another chapter, when I had worked so hard to make myself someone that could love and be loved.
The shower curtain was pulled to the side, and I expected to see Ash standing there, but instead, it was Jaxon. He was naked, except for his boxer briefs and I felt confusion distract me for a moment. But in the next instance, he was on the ground with me, wrapping me in his strong arms and rocking with me as Icried. I didn’t want his pity. In my mind I wanted to push him away and wallow in my misery. My body didn’t agree, and I laced my fingers with his and pulled his arm around me tighter.
“Shhhh, love. I’m here. Cry, scream, get it out however you need to,”he said, his mouth moving against my wet hair.
I leaned us to the side until I could press my hot face against the cold wall. Jaxon didn’t stop me, just moved with me, keeping close, but not touching me except his arms. I wasn’t sure I was prepared to be fully embraced by any of them, wasn’t sure they would want to once they knew what had happened to me.
“Why are you in here?”I asked.
The question came out harsh, my limited voice not helping how the words cut.
“Where else would I be?”Jaxon said.
“Running away from me. I told you, I warned you, I’m not worth the trouble.”The tears began to flow faster again, causing me to sniffle and moan as my bruised face hurt and my throat burned.
“You’re hurting right now. You know how I feel about you. I’m not running. I’m here to help.”To accent his words, his arms flexed around me and I finally gave in and let myself fall into his body.
The moment Jaxon’s skin was against mine, I didn’t feel as dirty. He represented good, clean, happiness and light. If I let him, he would infuse it all into me while we sat there. If I let myself open up, tell them my feelings and what was going on inside, maybe we could move on.
But I knew it wasn’t that easy. I could pretend with just Jaxon, inside the shower, that things were going to be ok. He didn’t know everything yet. He still cared about me now, didn’t look at me in disgust or feel that I was ruined. I knew it was coming. Lyle’s goal was to ruin me for the Knights, and he has succeeded.
Slowly, I calmed down. When I was ready, I tapped Jaxon’s arm, letting him know I wanted to stand up. Together, with me leaning on Jaxon, we stood under the shower spray. Without saying a word or touching me more than needed, Jaxon began to wash my hair.
I turned to rinse the shampoo, and I kept my eyes clenched shut, so I didn’t have to look into his eyes. The silence was trapping me inside my inner thoughts and it was driving me crazy.
“Did Ash call you?”I asked.
“Yeah. She didn’t know what to do.”He turned me again so he could work conditioner into my ragged locks.
“And you did.”I said the words as a statement, not a question, because the truth was he did exactly what I needed in that moment.
“I took a guess. You could have told me to fuck off.”I didn’t open my eyes as he spoke, but I could picture the small smile he likely had on his face.
“I guess I could have,”I said with a shrug of my shoulder.
“I will always be there for you because I know what it’s like to have no one there for me,”Jaxon murmured.
My eyes were closed and my head was down, but I heard his words clearly. I wanted to lean into him, lay my cheek against his chest. But I couldn’t handle the contact and he didn’t try to force his touch on me.
After letting the conditioner sit on my hair for a few minutes, Jaxon massaged my scalp under the water. He stood close to me, the hair on his chest tickling my breasts, his thighs brushing against mine. Though I noticed all of these sensations, I couldn’t feel anything at the moment. I did feel pain in my heart, knowing I had lost what I had with them.
I took the body wash from Jaxon, afraid I would breakdown if his hands ran over my body. I avoided my injured thigh,but scrubbed the rest of my skin roughly. As the skin began to become pink and then angry red, Jaxon’s hands reach out for mine, stopping my movements.
