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“We’ve tried to do what we can to make up for our sins. You know these things about us, but does it change how you feel? Do you think of us differently?”
I shook my head, my throat suddenly clogged.
“I’m sure you know why I’m telling you this. I want to make sure you understand that we know darkness. We’ve lived in it. And just how it doesn’t change your feelings for us, what you’ve been through in your life, doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
He said the words so simply that I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly. I froze in his embrace and waited to see what he would say next. His breathing had gone shallow, and I realized he didn’t mean to say the words when he did.
“You can’t put that back in the bottle.”My lips moved against his skin in a quiet whisper.
“I…uh…well…it’s not that I don’t mean it, because I do. I just didn’t mean to blurt it out when you’re laying in bed recovering. I was thinking more romantic, candles, dinner, ya know…the whole thing…”his voice trailed off as he fidgeted uncomfortably.
I let the feelings roll around in my mind. Did I love Oliver? Yes, I was sure I did, even if I wasn’t sure I even knew what real love was. I knew that he and his brothers occupied my mind all the time. My life felt like it was black and white before theywalked in and it sprung into technicolor. For the first time, I could see a future, bright and loving and real.
That was before. Before Lyle had defiled my body, breaking me all over again, and the Knights were left to pick up the pieces. Telling them now that I loved them didn’t seem genuine. I wasn’t in the right headspace to dive into those feelings. And I wasn’t sure what I needed to get back to that place.
Chapter
Forty-Two
Oliver
“There’ssomething else I need to tell you.”
It took a lot to find my voice or the courage to speak. How did I just drop the bombshell of love on her, the first moment she let me near her again? I felt like a fool, but she wasn’t pushing me out of her bed, even if she didn’t really address what I had said.She was right. I couldn’t take the words back now, not that I had planned on that.
“Go ahead.”
Her normal voice was slowly returning, but she still spoke quietly. Her breath slid across the skin of my neck and made goosebumps rise along my arms. I ignored my body’s reaction to her nearness, knowing that wasn’t what she needed from me at the time.
“We don’t blame you for what happened. The fight we all had was our fault and our lack of communication with you. And I lay a little heavier blame on Aiden’s head, but that’s a different conversation. I just wanted to make sure you knew we weren’t angry. What happened wasn’t your fault.”I squeezed her tighter against me as I spoke, trying to infuse my words into her.
“I do, blame me, I mean. I’m angry at a lot of the decisions I made. They made me vulnerable,”she said.
“There was no way for anyone to know the lengths Lyle would go to get you. He shot a man in broad daylight.”
She nodded under my chin, but I had a feeling she wanted to still argue the point. I let it go, knowing I would remind her as many times as possible that she was the victim in this, not the one that asked to be kidnapped. She was also the victim of whatever Lyle had done to her while he had her tied up in the warehouse. Those were things we still didn’t know, because she was refusing to talk about it. I wasn’t going to be the one to push her on those details.
“What about Missy? We haven’t really talked about how she got arrested?”Brooklyn asked.
“With Cain’s help,”I replied.
Brooklyn nudged me with her knee, before laying her leg across me, keeping pressure off her injury. She waited for me to continue and I tried to decide on the best way to tell her what Cain had done in the search to find her. Eventually, I decidedon the truth, because Brooklyn deserved that. And I wasn’t ashamed of anything we did to bring her back to us.
“Cain kidnapped her from the hotel he found her staying in. We questioned her, again with some persuasion from Cain. She eventually gave us the information we needed to find the warehouse. Gideon drove her straight to the police station himself to have her arrested for your kidnapping. I sort of tuned out on that process, because I was focused on finding you.”
“He’s interesting, isn’t he?”She asked.
“Cain? I guess. We have history. Some of it not great. I’m glad he was able to help us.”
Brooklyn shifted uncomfortably, and I loosed my arms to allow her movement if she wanted. Once she settled back into my body, she spoke again.
“He was in here earlier, giving me hell about lying around.”
“He did what?”My voice came out harsher than I intended.
Cain wasn’t dangerous, not to Brooklyn. I wasn’t worried about that. I had noticed the way he looked at her and it was curious that he was still staying in the pool house, though our needs for him were done. Our history with him, feeling as if we had left him behind, influenced the decisions we were making now. However, if he overstepped with my girl, we’d have words.
“It’s ok, honey. He didn’t upset me. In a way, he’s right. I need to get out of this room at some point.”
