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Sienna nodded, thinking the way the firelight was dancing over his dark skin was sending an erotic frisson up her spine. “All right.”
He stood. “I’ll be right back.”
Sienna lifted a brow, wondering where he was going and watched as he crossed the room to open the desk drawer. Like her, he had changed into a T-shirt and a pair of sweats, and as she watched him she found it difficult to breathe. He moved in such a manly way, each movement a display of fine muscles and limbs and how they worked together in graceful coordination, perfect precision. Watching him only knocked her hormones out of whack.
He returned moments later with pens and paper in hand. There was a serious expression on his face when he handed her a sheet of paper and a pen and kept the same for himself. “I want us to write down all the things we feel went wrong with our marriage, being honest to include everything. And then we’ll discuss them.”
She looked down at the pen and paper and then back at him. “You want me to write them down?”
“Yes, and I’ll do the same.”
Sienna nodded and watched as he began writing on his paper, wondering what he was jotting down. She leaned back and sighed, wondering if she could air their dirty laundry on paper, but it seemed he had no such qualms. Most couples sought the helpful guidance of marriage counselors when they found themselves in similar situations, but she hadn’t given them that chance. But at this point, she would do anything to save her marriage.
So she began writing, being honest with herself and with him.
Chapter 16
Dane finished writing and glanced over at Sienna. She was still at it and had a serious expression on her features. He studied the contours of her face and his gaze dropped to her neck, and he noticed the thin gold chain. She was still wearing the heart pendant he’d given her as a wedding gift.
Deep down, Dane believed this little assignment was what they needed as the first step in repairing what had gone wrong in their marriage. Having things written down would make it easier to stay focused and not go off on a tangent. And it made one less likely to give in to the power of the mind, the wills and emotions. He wanted them to concentrate on those destructive elements and forces that had eroded away at what should have been a strong relationship.
She glanced up and met his gaze as she put the pen aside. She gave him a wry smile. “Okay, that’s it.”
He reached out and took her hand in his, tightening his hold on it when he saw a look of uncertainty on her face. “All right, what do you have?”
She gave him a sheepish grimace. “How about you going first?”
He gently squeezed her hand. “How about if we go together? I’ll start off and then we’ll alternate.”
She nodded. “What if we have the same ones?”
“That will be okay. We’ll talk about all of them.” He picked up his piece of paper.
“First on my list is communication.”
Sienna smiled ruefully. “It’s first on mine, too. And I agree that we need to talk more, without arguing, not that you argued. I think you would hold stuff in when I made you upset instead of getting it out and speaking your mind.”
Dane stared at her for a moment, then a smile touched his lips. “You’re right, you know. I always had to plug in the last word and I did it because I knew it would piss you off.”
“Well, stop doing it.”
He grinned. “Okay. The next time I’ll hang around for us to talk through things. But then you’re going to have to make sure that you’re available when we need to talk. You can’t let anything, not even your job, get in the way of us communicating.”
“Okay, I agree.”
“Now, what’s next on your list?” he asked.
She looked up at him and smiled. “Patience. I know you said that I don’t have patience, but neither do you. But you used to.”
Dane shook his head. “Yeah, I lost my patience when you did. I thought to myself, why should I be patient with you when you weren’t doing the same with me? Sometimes I think you thought I enjoyed knowing you had a bad day or didn’t make a sale, and that wasn’t it at all. At some point what was suddenly important to you wasn’t important to me anymore.”
“And because of it, we both became detached,” Sienna said softly.
“Yes, we did.” He reached out and lifted her chin. “I promise to do a better job of being patient, Sienna.”
“So will I, Dane.”
They alternated, going down the list. They had a number of the same things on both lists and they discussed everything in detail, acknowledging their faults and what they could have done to make things better. They also discussed what they would do in the future to strengthen their marriage.
“That’s all I have on my list,” Dane said a while later. “Do you have anything else?”
Sienna’s finger glided over her list. For a short while she thought about pretending she didn’t have anything else, but they had agreed to be completely honest. They had definitely done so when they had discussed her spending more time at work than at home.
“So what’s the last thing on your list, Sienna? What do you see as one of the things that went wrong with our marriage?”
She lifted her chin and met his gaze and said, “My inability to stand up to your parents.”
He looked at her with deep, dark eyes. “Okay, then. Let’s talk about that.”
Chapter 17
Dane waited patiently for Sienna to begin talking and gently rubbed the backside of her hand while doing so. He’d known the issue of his parents had always been a challenge to her. Over the years, he had tried to make her see that how the elder Bradfords felt didn’t matter. What he failed to realize, accept and understand was that it did matter...to her.
She had grown up in a family without love for so long that when they married, she not only sought his love, but that of his family. Being accepted meant a lot to her, and her expectations of the Bradfords, given how they operated and their family history, were too high.
They weren’t a close-knit bunch, never had been and never would be. His parents had allowed their own parents to decide their future, including who they married. When they had come of age, arranged marriages were the norm within the Bradfords’ circle. His father had once confided to him one night after indulging in too many drinks that his mother had not been his choice for a wife. That hadn’t surprised Dane, nor had it bothered him, since he would bet that his father probably hadn’t been his mother’s choice of a husband, either.
“I don’t want to rehash the past, Dane,” Sienna finally said softly, looking at the blaze in the fireplace instead of at him. “But something you said earlier tonight has made me think about a lot of things. You love your parents, but you’ve never hesitated in letting them know when you felt they were wrong, nor have you put up with their crap when it came to me.”
She switched her gaze from the fire to him. “The problem is that I put up with their crap when it came to me. And you were right. I thought I had to actually prove something to them, show them I was worthy of you and your love. And I’ve spent the better part of a year and a half doing that and all it did was bring me closer and closer to losing you. I’m sure they’ve been walking around with big smiles on their faces since you got the divorce petition. But I refuse to let them be happy at my expense and my own heartbreak.”
She scooted closer to Dane and splayed her hands against his chest. “It’s time I became more assertive with your parents, Dane. Because it’s not about them—it’s about us. I refuse to let them make me feel unworthy any longer, because I am worthy to be loved by you. I don’t have anything to prove. They either accept me as I am or not at all. The only person who matters anymore is you.”
With his gaze holding hers, Dane lifted one of her hands off his chest and brought it to his lips, and placed a kiss on the palm. “I’m glad you’ve finally come to realize that, Sienna. And I wholeheartedly understand and agree. I was made to love you, and if my parents never accept that then it’s their loss, not ours.”
Tears constricted Sienna’s throat and she swallowed deeply before she could find her voice to say, “I love you, Dane. I don’t want the divorce. I never did. I want to belong to you and I want you to belong to me. I just want to make you happy.”
“And I love you, too, Sienna, and I don’t want the divorce, either. My life will be nothing without you being a part of it. I love you so much and I’ve missed you.”
And with his heart pounding hard in his chest, he leaned over and captured her lips, intent on showing her just what he meant.
Chapter 18
