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Our food arrives and I use the break in conversation to change the subject onto her work as a solicitor, something she loves to talk about, and she’s soon giving me the rundown on an important case she’s taken on.
When I get back to the office, I head straight for the bathroom. I drop my bag on the floor and grip the edge of the counter, staring at myself in the mirror. I hate myself. I really hate myself. Tears fill my eyes, and the longer I stare at my reflection, the angrier I am. “Why would Maverick talk to you when you’re a fucking cheating, bitch? They all hate you. They put up with you because they have no choice, but they hate you,” I spit the words. “You’re disgusting. No one could ever love you.”
I slam my hand against my reflection hard and the mirror cracks. I cry out, hitting it again until I feel a sharp pain in the palm of my hand. I fall back against the wall and slide down until my backside hits the floor, and then I sob into my bloody palm.
The door opens and I push up to stand quickly, wiping my face. Arthur fills the doorway, and when his eyes land on me, his brow furrows with concern. “What happened?” he asks, grabbing my wrist and staring at the blood in my hand. “Did someone hurt you?”
I use my other hand to continue to wipe my wet cheeks, shaking my head and forcing a laugh. “No, nothing like that. I fell . . . against the mirror. I, erm, well, I cut my hand, but I’m fine and I’ll pay for the damage.”
He turns his head to check out the cracked mirror and his frown deepens. “Fell?” he repeats sceptically. I nod, and even though his expression tells me he doesn’t believe me, he nods too and swoops down to collect my bag from the floor. “Okay, let’s clean this up.”
He sits me at his desk. His office chair is huge and swallows me, but it’s comfy. He opens his desk drawer and retrieves a first aid kit. I spy the gun beside it, but he closes the drawer quickly and takes my hand again. “You went to lunch with Hadley,” he says, and I glance up at the office camera blinking from the corner of the room. It’s connected to his mobile, so it makes sense he sees what goes on when he’s away.
“Yes.”
“What did she say to upset you?”
“I’m not upset,” I lie, and he laughs to himself, shaking his head.
“Yah know, lies bother me more than anything else.”
“Which is why you should tell Rosey about Jolene.”
He wipes my cut with an antiseptic wipe. “If Rosey was to ask, of course, I’d tell her, but I don’t know why she would, seeing as there’s nothing between us.”
“Nothing?” I ask, arching a brow.
He smirks. “There’s attraction, Meli. What hot-blooded male wouldn’t find her attractive? But hot, raw fucking isn’t a relationship.”
“Hot, raw . . .” I repeat, my heart racing. “You slept with Rosey?” I don’t know why the words sound shaky as they leave my mouth.
Arthur wraps a bandage around my hand and ties it off. “You sound upset again.”
I open and close my mouth a few times, unable to find the right words. I am upset. I just don’t know why, or at least, I don’t want to admit it, not even to myself. “She just didn’t tell me.”
He smiles, placing a hand either side of the chair. He moves his face closer to mine, and I hold my breath, wondering if he’s about to kiss me or call me out on my bullshit lie. “I haven’t had sex with Rosey.” He pushes off the chair and turns his back, cleaning away the first aid kit.
I release the breath and stare down at the bandage. “I feel like an outsider,” I whisper, and he stills, keeping his back to me but clearly listening. “At the club. Since I did what I did, I hate myself.”
“You mean since Grim?”
“Yes. I regret it, and I hate the way it’s put a wedge between myself and Hadley. And I get it, I totally deserve everything and more. They don’t intentionally push me out, it just happens. But I feel like I don’t belong there anymore.”
“Where do you belong?” he asks, turning to face me and leaning against the desk.
I shrug. “I don’t know that either. Hadley and Maverick share secrets and talk. They hang out. They’re close, and I’m happy for them, I am, but . . .”
“But it reminds you of how you and Hadley used to be.” I nod and a tear escapes, sliding down my cheek. “Do they know how you feel?”
“No. Why would I tell them? So I can be the victim? I deserve to feel like this. What I did was unforgivable.”
“What youandGrim did. You didn’t do it alone. And it was years ago. They’re together and happy.” He uses his thumb to wipe my tears. “Seems like you’re punishing yourself for something they don’t even think about anymore.”
Albert comes in, and Arthur turns away, giving me a moment to compose myself. “You in a better mood?” Arthur asks him.
“I was wrong about what I said yesterday,” says Albert. “Forget fucking around. Find the angel, or the devil, and settle the fuck down. We don’t need mistakes like Jolene Hall coming back to bite us.”
ARTHUR
