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Caelan clambers after me, bracing his hands on either side of my waist and looming over me. He kisses me thoroughly for one brief, heated moment, before settling back to join me in a suitable watching position. He grazes his lips along my jawline. “You can pick whatever,” he says, and it takes me a second to remember he’s talking about the movie.
I really don’t care what we watch, and I doubt Caelan does either. It’s only a matter of how long we’ll keep up the charade before trying to get in each other’s pants.
Fumbling with the remote, I flick to the streaming service’s recommended section and select the first thing I see. Choosing something is too much effort.
With Caelan, I normally end up watching horror flicks. He finds them hilarious, and although I don’t get scaredthateasily, it’s nice to be able to burrow against his side when I start to feel unsettled. A cute excuse for more contact is all it is. It’s hard to be truly afraid of anything in some dumb movie when I have a genuine demon by my side. But that explains why all the movies on my recommended list are horrors of varying quality.
As I lean against Caelan’s side, I sigh, and he drapes his arm over my shoulder. I honestly had no intention of paying any mind to the movie. My eyes are on the screen, but I’m much more acutely aware of Caelan—how firm he feels where I’m resting against him, the warmth of his skin, and the way his fingers absently shift against my shoulder.
I wish I’d stayed only paying attention to him.
The movie turns out to be on the lower end of the quality scale, a cheap gore-filled slasher, and it doesn’t get any better as the story progresses.
I don’t mind a bit of gore. I can hardly deny that I enjoy the sight of blood, and there’s that thing I have for Caelan and his dagger and the things he does to me with that. So, it’s not that I’m squeamish, but this is bad. It’s enough to turn my stomach, and I really wish I’d looked before just hitting play on anything.
Wincing, I turn my face away and bury it into Caelan’s shoulder. There’s only so much I can handle of watching the murders, so many—a literal bloodbath—play out on screen, dragged out in visceral, sickening detail. I might not mind blood, but internal organs being slowly and sadistically ripped out is a little much. And thescreams—
Normally, Caelan would be laughing, or at least rolling his eyes and drawling a complaint about how blatantly fake the effects are, but this time he’s noticed my reaction and gone quiet.
He takes the remote from me and shuts the television off.
“Sorry,” I mumble against him. “That killed the mood, huh?” Well, maybe it wouldn’t for him, he’d probably be into it, but still.
I glance up to find Caelan looking at me with an expression I can’t read, something hard and blank. But he seems uncomfortable, almost, which is unusual for him.
It can’t be the violence—he revels in that. So, what? Is it my reaction to it that’s made him stop?
“Caelan?”
“I’ve done worse,” he announces.
I stare at him, that sickening sensation rising from my stomach to claw at my throat as I process that he’s talking about what we saw in the movie. I don’t want to think he would, it’s utterly horrifying, but I know he’s not lying.
“Why?” I ask softly.Why would he do that? Why would he tell me?It doesn’t matter which question it is.
“Because I hated humans for a real long time.” There’s no emotion in his voice. It’s simply a statement of fact, sounding almost bored by it. He’s not showing any feelings, and for Caelan, who is always animated in some way, negative or positive, that is the most terrifying thing of all.
I don’t know what to say. I can’t say anything. It’s the same as the conversation I had with Elias, onlyworse. My blood runs cold, and I feel like it’s the first time I’ve been honestly and truly scared of either of them. Too scared to even pull away from him, so I stay there in silence with my heart pounding and a monster’s arm wrapped around me.
“It fuckin’ sucks,” Caelan eventually elaborates, a low growl as anger starts to seep into his voice again. “Being this thing. Having something human tangled into the soul of a demon. Do you have any idea howwrongthat is?”
He’s still quiet, but there’s something guttural and terrifying in his voice when he’s finished, and I shrink back with my heart in my throat.
“Humans are never meant to cross dimensions or see the world the way we do. You know what happens? They go insane. There was this part of me constantly. Fucking.Screaming. Just ’cause of the verycurseof existing and remembering—” He stops, panting, teeth bared, expression feral. He closes his eyes, and his mouth turns up into a snarl, but he pulls himself back slightly.
“Caelan…” I begin softly.Do I want to ask? Do I want to know?Elias told me about his past. Maybe Caelan would too, and with how much they mean to me, it seems like it would be doing Caelan a disservice if I was too afraid to even hear his story.
“How did it happen?”
Caelan snorts, and for a moment I think he isn’t going to answer. I wouldn’t have been surprised and would have accepted him not wanting to talk about it.
“It was a game,” he suddenly announces. He makes a vague gesture toward the blank television. “Like that shit. It was a game. I was bored, and I’d fuck with people for the thrill of it. Their fear was so fucking addictive.” He breathes in heavily like he can taste it even now.
“I had a new idea one time. Borrowed the body of some guy. Not like it’s hard. Kept his mind just aware enough so he could watch while I used him like a puppet to murder everyone he loved, soaking him in their blood and viscera. And I thought it was beautiful. He was fucking screaming, the rage, the pain, the utterdespair. That kinda energy was like a goddamn high.”
God.My fingers clutch tighter at the bedcovers.He’s different now. Whatever happened changed him,I remind myself. Because part of me is thinking far, far too late,what the fuck have I gotten myself involved in? What kind of monster did I fall in love with?
I guess it’s like Elias said when he was talking about their kind. Some of them only came with malicious intentions. Caelan was one of those.
