Page 148 of Darkest Desires


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I give him a small smile in return, even if it is still half-hearted behind my concern. “Yeah. We, uh. Got a bit distracted, huh?”

“Best way to spend an anniversary if you ask me.”

I hardly disagree. But…“What were you going to ask?”

Caelan rubs the back of his head. “Ah, screw it. He’s gonna be royally pissed at me for telling you, but he’s clearly not going to do it himself without being a total ass, so… we were gonna ask if you wanted to move in. Like, as a proper thing.”

I stare at him for a long moment, chest tightening. “As in… here? With you?”

“Yeah. No pressure or anything, it’s not a big deal. If you’d rather stay where you are ’cause it’s closer to your work and college and shit, that makes total sense. You can just come visit when you’re free or whatever.”

“If I lived here…” I begin slowly.

“That’s why we drove up,” Caelan explains. “Give you an idea what the commute’s like. We can’t be around to jus’ carry you places all the time, but the car’s there for you to use if you want to. Not like weneedit for anything really.”

The house. The location. ‘My’ room. It all fits together a little too perfectly, for all of Elias’ explanations of it being useful for them and something they wanted regardless. “How long have you been planning this?” I ask, voice quiet.

“A while.”

“And Elias…”

“It was his idea, but the closer it’s been getting to asking you, the more he’s been getting all worked up about it, getting cold feet or something.”

“That’s why he’s gone off somewhere?”

Caelan shrugs again. “You asked for my best guess. He’s got too much of a stick up his damn ass to talk to anyone ’bout anything, so. Dunno for certain. Figures, though.”

I stand up, pushing my plate away. “I want to talk to him. Take me to the abyss.”

Caelan stares at me for a moment, then laughs. He doesn’t mean it to be mocking, and it doesn’t sound it, but given the way my stomach is churning, it’s grating to have him be so dismissive.

“That’s a sweet gesture, Shan, but trying to talk to Elias when he’s in amoodis like trying to talk to a brick wall.”

“At least let me try.”

Caelan’s laughter fades as he realizes just how serious I am about it. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Look. Elias spends so long bottling shit up that if he does snap, it’s… not pretty. I don’t want you getting hurt if things turn nasty.”

I give Caelan a wry smile. “What, is it worse than you when you threaten to murder me because you think I’m cute?”

He huffs. “Fine, we both got our issues. But yeah. Much worse than that.”

“I don’t care. Take me to him.” I hold out my hand to Caelan, and he runs his eyes over me.

“Dressed like that?”

“Caelan.”

“I’m just saying.”

I roll my eyes. “Screw how I look. I just want to talk to him.”

“Maybe seeing you looking all sexy in his shirt will snap him out of it or something,” Caelan suggests unhelpfully. But he takes my hand and pulls me close against him. Then I shudder as the unsettling, hair-raising sensation of sliding between dimensions closes in around me.

It feelsworse, somehow. The abyss has always been terrifying in its incomprehensible depth and unendingness, but it was a neutral nonexistence, like how a black hole does not care what it devours. But now there’s something malicious. Angry.

I shouldn’t be here.

“Told you Elias was sulking,” Caelan mutters, squeezing my hand tighter. “You don’t have to—‍”

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