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Caelan scoffs. “God. You’re so fuckin’textbook.”
“I don’t mind,” I say. “It’s easier for me to understand and process that way.” Elias’ matter-of-fact way of explaining gives me some distance. It doesn’t feel so much like a terrible, unknowable fate looming over me when he can look at things so logically. “And no. I don’t think I can…seeenergy, however you mean it.”
“It may take your mind some time to adjust before that happens. Or it may never occur. Either is fine.”
Despite my distraction and how the seriousness of the conversation dulls my appetite, I find I’ve finished my dessert. I place my spoon down and stare at the wall opposite, looking past Elias.
“I just… feel like a mess.”
“You’re still stabilizing,” Elias replies softly, seeing the pain in my admission. “Your subconscious is trying to return to the familiar human energy it expects while your soul is flooded with far more than you’re used to. It’s a dysphoria on the deepest level of your being. But you will adapt. It won’t be like this forever.”
“Caelan said you could help. With stabilizing it?”
“Doing so will delay your progress, but yes. If you need it—”
“I need it.”
That look of guilt flashes across Elias’ face again, and I can feel the wave of self-loathing remorse that floods through him.He did this to me. It’s intense enough to make me wince. Elias immediately realizes and dampens the emotion on my behalf.
He picks me up, holding me close to him. “Caelan,” Elias says seriously. “We’re having cuddles.”
I snort in surprise, then giggle. That was not something I ever expected to hear from Elias, and, of course, he’s doing it for my benefit, saying something so uncharacteristic to make me laugh, but I appreciate it regardless.
Caelan is reluctantly amused as well. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I’m in.”
Elias takes me back upstairs to the master bedroom and lays me down on the covers. He takes his jacket and tie off and joins me, laying at my side and simply holding me in his arms. Caelan settles at my other side, his forehead resting against the back of my neck and his hand on my waist.
Elias’ shadows brush against me. They still feel like static but less cold now, somehow. The sensation feels like home. And it’s not just a simple touch alongside his. It embraces me entirely, and it feels like a weight lifting off me. Like I can finally breathe again, when I didn’t even know I was drowning.
I give a shuddering little sigh, melting against them. Finally able to relax.
Caelan presses soft kisses against my spine, those fingers on my waist rubbing in soothing circles, while Elias strokes his hand through my hair. We stay in silence like that for what seems an age. Normally, I’d feel bad demanding so much affection from them for so long, but this time they’re more than happy to indulge me. I need it. And, frankly, I think maybe they do too.
“Elias,” I eventually murmur.
“Is it any better for you like this?” he asks.
“Yeah. A lot.” I let the silence linger a little longer before speaking again. “So, does this mean… I’m part demon now or something?”
Elias frowns. “Darling, don’t worry about—”
“’Cause that’s sort of badass.”
Caelan snickers from behind me, the graze of his teeth in the next kiss to my throat. “Priorities, huh?”
I grin, then bury my face against Elias’ chest sheepishly. Honestly, with them here like this, with Elias stabilizing me, I suppose I feel much more like myself, and it’s so much easier to accept everything that’s happened.
“Come on. Isn’t it?”
Elias’ lips quirk up into a wry smile. “This should not have happened. But… if you wish to make the most of a bad situation, yes. You may consider it that.”
“I have a piece of each of your souls as part of mine now?”
“Only a very tiny fragment, but yes.”
“Is it terrible that part of me loves that? You know how badly I wanted to be with you and belong to you. And now,” I echo Elias’ words from earlier, smiling. “We’re bound on the deepest level imaginable.”
Elias returns my smile, but his is far more sorrowful. “You are ours. Eternally and irrevocably.”
