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“Is that likely to happen again?”
“Quite probably,” Elias replies, his tone somber. “I am sorry. I know it must be difficult to deal with.”
I shake my head, struggling to find the right words to express myself. “I kind of liked it,” I admit. “I felt… free. Confident. Like I could rule the world. Not like I was a different person, but that I could be completely myself without being held back by fear.”
Elias smiles softly. “And it is good to see your soul shine so brightly.”
“I don’t want to lose that feeling.”
“You will not. That level of energy will be normal for you now.”
I’m pleased to hear it and also very much not. “Will it always be like… that?”
“No,” Elias reassures. “It will merely take some time to adapt, mentally and emotionally. Your soul also needs more time to stabilize. At the moment, it is akin to a freshly healed wound. Too much energy runs the risk of reopening, but that will not always be the case.”
“Okay.” I can live with this. Or at least learn to work with it. “How long will it take?”
A slight frown creases Elias’ brow. “It depends on a number of factors. How severe the difference between the entangled souls’ energy is, how much of the energy was fragmented, and how willingly you accept the change. Caelan took years because of how hard he fought it.” He catches my look of dismay and quickly amends, “His was an extreme case.”
“Will I be able to go back on Monday?”
Elias and Caelan share a glance.
“Yeah, no. That’s probably not a good idea,” Caelan says.
I had figured as much. Part of me is relieved to hear it, to have the excuse not to deal with my normal life just yet. That’s one thing too much on top of everything else that has happened.
Elias taps his fingers on the edge of the desk, weighing his thoughts carefully. “I believe I can make something for you that will suppress the excess energy if I cannot do so in person. It will take some time, though. It will be much more energetically complicated than merely making something inert like your collar.”
Caelan grins. “In the meantime, I guess you’re stuck with us.”
“Oh no. The fates are cruel.” Caelan narrows his eyes at my sarcasm, and I laugh.
The rest of the weekend is easier. At least one of them is close by, making sure I don’t end up in as bad a state again.
That doesn’t stop it from being overwhelming. I feel it creeping up on me multiple times, and I refuse to rely on Elias to always balance me out. One way or another, I need to adapt. I need to learn to handle it myself until it’s second nature.
Trying to spar with Caelan was not exactly a successful outlet for my excess energy and mania last time. That much is obvious. I need something that will actually ground me, bring be back down.
The answer comes from the unexpectedly mundane. I find myself singing, as has often been my habit, whether to write my own songs or simply to vent.
I feel the suffocating rise of energy building up, and it’s frustrating as all hell. I liked it at first, the sense of power, but the irrationality and oversensitivity that comes with it are worse. And the rollercoaster of it, fluctuating high then crashing back down, is exhausting. I’m definitely over it until it’s stabilized at least.
So I sing one of Goëtica’s songs to take my mind off it, a dark and aggressive one and find it curiously easier to focus. It’s easier to modulate my own energy by pouring some of it into the performance without exacerbating it.
It’s so simple it catches me off guard. Not perfect, but a start.
I spend my time sitting in the living room, which Elias has since tidied up, and practicing. Not so much the singing itself but playing with the way it affects my energy, gradually feeling how I can make it swell and quiet.
Elias tilts his head as he listens to me, a small smile playing at his lips. “Have you ever considered contributing vocals for Goëtica?”
That does get me to stop, in surprise, more than anything. I can’t tell if he is simply asking the question out of curiosity or genuinely thinking of offering me the opportunity.
“I…” I start, then hesitate.Have I thought about it?Wanting to sing has always been on my mind, though never a serious consideration. As much as I might enjoy it, stage fright would have never allowed such a thing.
That was before.
Before I had Elias and Caelan.
