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ChapterTwo
The late afternoon sun has finally dipped in the sky by the time I make it to the theater.
It’s not much, though I wasn’t expecting it to be. It doesn’t even look like it’s still in use, the red paint of the front marred by the vague white shapes of lettering where the venue name used to be.
I stare at the building, bemused. It looks abandoned, but a car is parked outside, and the door is ajar. For a moment, I stand and blink foolishly at it. Then my brain catches up. It’s a Saturday evening, and the placeisa theater. Small and rundown, but perhaps my assumption about it being closed was too hasty. Maybe they put on shows and events every so often.
I still feel stupid being here, but there’s a weird appeal to returning to where it all began. I’ve admitted as much to myself already. If the place is open, I can probably have a quick look, at least.
The box office could be open, or perhaps there’s a show or a class going on, but it’d be cool to see the lobby either way. The actual theater too, if I can.
The first videos, mostly forgotten by now, were not concept pieces like their newer work. They were recordings of them performing ‘live.’ That was what was recorded here. It’s so familiar in my head. The red seats, the way the stage looked in the videos from back then.
It’s open, but it doesn’t seem entirely so. The door is partially propped ajar, but not in an overly inviting way. I don’t want to barge in, so I knock before entering to announce my presence. There’s no answer.
All the lights are on, but there doesn’t seem to be anyone in the lobby. Maybe, if there is a show on, it’s already started? I might have expected an employee to be left outside to man the front desk, but perhaps it’s unnecessary for a place this size.
I walk across the carpet to the doors that lead into the theater. If something is happening, it should be audible, but pressing my ear to the door doesn’t bear any results beyond more silence.
Maybe I shouldn’t be here after all.
No point quitting now, though. If I’ve come this far, I might as well take just a peek.
I edge the door open. It’s the same situation as the lobby—lights on but empty. That stage makes my heart ache—the same sort of pang as last night. Without really thinking it through, my feet move, taking me closer, up the stairs at the side, and onto the stage until I’m standing in the center.
It’s a cute fantasy. To stand where they stood, to find my voice and sing as well. I feel like a kid again, playing pretend when I was twelve and would write my own songs, design albums, and put on imaginary performances.
Sweet.
Nostalgic.
Stupid.
My eyes flick out over the empty auditorium. Stupid, but no one’s here, right? Maybe it’ll placate some lingering craving for being part of that world.
So, I sing.
I sing one of my own songs. Maybe it’s not entirely a thing I left back in childhood. It’s not like I write anything seriously, though. I can manage lyrics, but I don’t even have the background in music to come up with any kind of accompaniment. I could never accomplish anything with it.
But being able to pretend for a moment, to stand on stage with the freedom to raise my voice without judgment—
Clear and silvery, my voice echoes through the empty heights of the room. Somehow it seems fitting that I sing something I wrote that was inspired by Goëtica. About them, for them.
A cute fantasy, but that’s all it is.
Yet it gives me chills again. I find myself slipping all too easily into the mindset of last night, oddly distant, losing myself. This time, not in Elias’ voice and their presence, but in the recollection of them and my own words. This time I’m the one reaching out to them.
And then the moment is shattered.
I snap out of it in a jarring instant, biting my tongue the second I hear movement.Shit. Of course, there must have been someone here—there are voices now, out beyond the lobby, maybe from the staff room or around the corridors leading backstage.
I scramble down and head for the exit.
Stupid.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I should have known better than to risk bothering anyone here.What was I even doing?
