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Natim nibbled some shoots again and pranced with accomplishment, strutting his little legs toward me, making sure I’d seen his achievement.
I sent a pulse of silent love toward him. His ears flopped forward, and he bounded into my arms. Closing my eyes, I hugged the little fawn all while my mind struggled not to obsess over what’d happened in the cave.
The way the stranger had groaned and jerked beneath my touch.
Natim struggled. I released him.
Sucking in a breath, doing my best not to think about the stranger, I watched the fawn as he danced back toward the river and its tasty offerings. The longer I watched Natim, the warmer I became. The sun slowly eased away the chill that’d settled in my bones.
I was grateful the stranger hadn’t followed me.
I needed to be alone.
To think.
To ponder.
To go over every little thing that’d happened since I’d fallen out of the fire’s trance and somehow ended up before him with rain pelting us and lightning ripping up the sky.
My skin prickled as a flash of homesickness filled me. Regardless that the Nhil weren’t my true family, I missed them. I missed Solin’s mastery over the mysteries of life. I missed Hyath and Niya’s easy friendship. What would they say about this? I’d give anything to ask their advice on all the crashing, colliding feelings within me about the man who had no name.
Gritting my teeth, I glanced at the deer pelt the stranger had given me last night. When he’d first brought it into the cave, I’d thought he’d brought meat and almost retched at the thought of eating Natim’s mother, but then he’d spread out the scraped hide and shown me just how much he knew of me already. How much he’d paid attention and did his utmost to keep me safe and well.
My cheeks flushed all over again as I looked at my hand. No matter where I tried to direct my thoughts, they always swung back to him. To what he’d done. To what I’d done with him.
My fingers were clean—no sign of the silken stream he’d marked me with—but I remembered the shocking warmth. The slippery stickiness that’d roped from him to me.
I’d touched him.
And I’d done it willingly.
I’d done it to help him. Like he’d helped me. To heal him. To rid the blazing, burning pain in his stare and—
I gulped, drawing my legs up and wrapping my arms around them.
That’s a lie.
I’d touched him because that same blazing, burning pain had gathered in my lower belly the longer he’d fought. The more he suffered, the more I’d felt his suffering until I ached with a need that matched his.
I couldn’t hide from it; I couldn’t run from it.
I’d tried, but it’d just followed me to the river.
Pressing a hand below my naval, I shuddered.
I still felt it.
The heaviness.
The ache.
My nipples pebbled, reacting to the morning breeze drafting off the river. My skin was oversensitive. My awareness of the world heightened to an almost painful intensity.
I bit my bottom lip as my mind flooded with images of the stranger as his head cracked against the cave wall and his hips thrust into my—
Enough.
Scrambling to my feet, I reached for the deer hide. I needed to do something—anything to stop my mind from obsessing about things I shouldn’t want. With determination, I shook out the badly cured hide, grateful Hyath couldn’t see the chunks of silky fur missing or feel the coarseness of the stiff leather beneath.
A faint tingle of Natim’s mother rippled through my spirit. Her fading essence. Her last memories of this body and old life. Tears filled my eyes at the thought of wearing what once was hers around Natim, but I no longer wanted to be bare.
Too much had happened.
Too many feelings clashed and chaosed inside me.
Fumbling with the hide, I tried to figure out how to secure it without the sinew strings Hyath sewed to provide knots. The stranger’s kindness to provide me with clothing had also revealed how unfamiliar he was with things that the Nhil were now so advanced in.
Eventually, I settled on using the longer pieces that used to be the front legs and tied them around my nape. Once the pelt was tied to my neck, it was a simple matter of wrapping the rest around me. Sitting back down again, I plaited a few river reeds into a thicker rope and bound it around my waist, preventing the hide from unravelling.
Satisfied, I ran my hands over my new dress, grateful it came down to my knees and covered every part of me.
Natim bounced toward me, his little tail wagging with a white flurry. I froze as he leapt into my arms, nuzzling against me and his mother’s fur.
I sank to my knees, waiting for him to stiffen. To look at me as if I were a monster.
