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She didn’t move as if absorbing my words, mulling them over, tearing them apart in order to understand the truth. Finally, she exhaled and rubbed her eyes with her fingers. “I’m suddenly exhausted.” Dropping her hands, she gave me a sad smile. “I thought remembering would be easy, not make everything so much harder.”
“I know what you mean.” I returned her melancholy smile. “I-I didn’t mean to kiss you. I’m sorry if I upset you. I was just...overwhelmed.”
“You don’t have to apologise.” Her chin ducked as her cheeks pinked. “It was...nice.”
Male pride stung. “Just nice?”
She laughed, cracking the awful strain that’d clouded the cave. “It promised to become something so much better than nice.”
I sucked in breath. “I want to do it again.” Shooting a look at Kiu, I added quietly, “Without the fanged chaperone.”
Her amber gaze fell on Kiu, then lingered on Natim as he rested his head on the belly of a sated pup. “It seems whenever we get close something always pushes us apart.”
Reaching for one of the tubers I’d brushed clean, I snapped the narrow tip and brought it to my mouth. Mainly so I had something to do with my hands but also because my stomach kept churning with things I couldn’t understand and needs I couldn’t sate. “Perhaps they’ve all been commanded by the fire to keep us apart.” I bit into the root with a grin.
I’d meant the sentence to be light-hearted and full of jest. I didn’t believe the fire could do such a thing, even if the coincidences were becoming too often to ignore, but Runa sucked in a sharp gasp.
“I-Is that possible? Could every creature have been given the same task? To keep us apart?” Her voice tightened with worry. “Is that why Salak doesn’t want me here? Why he warned me to stay away? Why Syn attacked you from taking me?”
I swallowed the crunchy mouthful, pleasantly surprised by the woodsy, earthy flavour. “That would mean the entire world and every element, beast, and mortal has conspired against us.” I laughed even as fear tiptoed down my spine. “That’s ludicrous.”
“Is it?” Her arms wrapped tight around herself as her tawny face whitened to the same shade as her colourless hair. “Who are we?”
I crawled toward her without thinking, drawn to her panic.
Throwing a glower at Kiu, just daring the wolf to forbid us from touching, I wrapped my arms around her.
Runa shuddered as her head fell onto my shoulder and her arms looped around my waist.
I trembled with overwhelming connection and a devastating desire to never let her go. “I think there are many things we don’t know. Things we need to find out.”
She nodded, her hair catching on my chest. “But how?”
I paused with a request on my tongue. A request I’d already made and she’d denied. But perhaps now, she might agree. Drawing her nearer, catching Kiu’s eyes as the she-wolf watched us closely, I murmured, “I want you to help me remember my name.”
She struggled, trying to loosen my arms around her. “I told you. I don’t know how—”
“I know you said it’s dangerous and that you don’t know what to do, but it’s far more dangerous to stay blind.” I pulled away and looked into her eyes. “It’s time we start remembering, Runa, before it’s too late.”
She stiffened but didn’t look away. Thoughts clouded her stare and her tongue swept over her bottom lip as she went over every pitfall and challenge. I gave her all the time she needed, holding my breath as she tugged out of my arms and sat solemnly.
Raising her chin, she said, “I refuse to use the damaq root. I would hate to kill us with the wrong dose. And besides, I’ve not seen any damaq trees close by.”
I clasped my hands over my lap. “I would prefer not to poison ourselves, so I agree with that rule. Anything else?”
“I don’t know the symbols to paint or where Pallen found the mushroom required to keep us bound to this world, but...” She flinched. “I hope, as long as we clasp hands, we shouldn’t lose each other like I lost Solin.”
I half-smiled. “If that’s permission to hold your hand, then I happily agree.”
“I can’t promise you anything. Without the ceremony and a master guiding the trance, I have no idea if it will even work.”
“I’m willing to take that risk.”
“I also can’t promise the fire will be kind. Why would it help you when it keeps warning me to stay away from you?”
“Again, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.” I studied her for a long moment before confessing, “I need to know, Runa.”
Pulling the basket of food toward her, she selected the daylily flower and its bulb. Silence thickened as she bit into the flower and chewed. Picking up another root, she held it out to me. “Tell me one thing honestly. The shadows you summon. Could you do that while you walked alone?”
