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I shivered with despair that I’d somehow made a massive mistake.
I began to run.
Chapter Nine
. Girl .
MY HEAD WHIPPED UP AS shivers washed down my spine.
A wolf’s howl...during the day?
And close.
Too close.
I clutched my shallow basket, fighting memories of tripping through a lonely world, catching glimpses of yellow eyes in the dark, running for as long as I could until my legs gave out.
I could remember the emptiness so clearly. I carried the scars of loneliness as if they were physical wounds. Yet I still couldn’t remember anything beyond that.
The wolf howled again.
It sounded different this time—deeper and darker, as if full of frustration before cutting off mid-call, leaving the grasslands eerily silent and on edge.
Niya shifted closer to me, her ebony skin glistening with sweat and dotted with seeds from the grasses we currently harvested. Hyath looked up too, her pale skin pink from the sun and a large hat made out of woven reeds on her head. All of us wore furs hiding our chests and wrapping our hips, making me long for the days when I roamed the world naked. I appreciated the furs warmth on cooler evenings, but the heat of the day was awful.
“Strange beasts,” Niya muttered. “Out hunting at the hottest time of the afternoon.” Using her wrist, she wiped at the wetness on her forehead. “I know if I was a wolf with a thick pelt, I’d be snoozing in a cool cave somewhere.”
Hyath placed her shallow basket on the ground, coming to join us. The few other women who’d agreed to forage this morning gave us smiles and cocked their heads to see if the wolf would cry again, before resuming their rhythm of plucking ripe seedheads and sifting them into their woven baskets.
This task was one of my favourites. I volunteered each time a foraging party was arranged. I liked standing in the sea of golden grass. I liked the gentle breeze as it danced amongst the stalks. And I liked the heart-warming sense of pride when we returned later this afternoon with our baskets full of grain and took turns with the large river rocks to crush the kernels, grind the husks, and create a powder that was the main ingredient in the delicious flatbread and chewy cakes that went so well with fire-roasted roots and honey.
“If you were a wolf, you’d be at the mercy of whatever the alpha told you to do.” Hyath smiled at Niya. “You couldn’t just laze the day away in the shade.”
“If I was a wolf”—Niya grinned—“I would be the alpha.”
I laughed with them, grateful their company had shed the lingering fear that’d struck from nowhere. Many things reminded me of back then.
A full month with the Nhil people had both relaxed and worried me. Relaxed because I’d fallen easily into routine and found both comfort and belonging amongst the clan. But in the darkness, when I lay in the furs that Solin still graciously permitted me to rest in, I would drown beneath worry that no matter how long I stayed with the Nhil people, I would never be truly one of them.
Somewhere, out there, was someone I used to know.
And here, in this wonderful clan, my place was tentative. I couldn’t be fully accepted unless I underwent a naming and spirit ceremony. And I couldn’t do that unless Solin was given permission to attempt a shared trance with me. And even if he was given permission, I didn’t know if I was brave enough to try...
A week after my first fireside dinner, Tiptu had given birth to her third youngling—a second son called Bon. The entire camp had stayed up, dancing and singing around the central fire as the new babe was held up for all to see.
I’d longed to touch him. To feel the new lifeforce that suddenly existed thanks to Tiptu. But while others praised his birth, I praised him for other reasons.
His care took precedent, especially over a quiet girl who had no name or past, and Tiptu was either too busy with her new son or forgot to ask her mate, Tral, if Solin could perform the trance to find out who I was.
Despite not having a name or spirit guardian like the rest of the Nhil clan, I was happy. I was grateful for Niya’s friendship as she sat with me each night, keeping me busy and away from the suspicious attentions of Kivva and Aktor as they glared at me across the flames. She offered no judgment as we ate side by side—her happily eating bison and other hunted prey while I quietly dined on grass-grain cakes and wild fruits.
Ever since that first night, I hadn’t been able to stomach eating meat. I couldn’t forget the spine-chilling tingles as I’d chewed.
Syn suddenly appeared from the long grass, leaping over Hyath’s basket and sliding to a graceful stop with her golden-spotted body. The lynx greeted Niya and Hyath with a gentle head nudge to their thighs, her small antlers catching in their fur clothing.
