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My pulse quickened. I struggled to swallow. I felt woozy and jittery and suddenly very, very cold. “I’ll see you...after.”
He looked at me carefully. “Are you feeling okay? You’ve gone as white as the moon.”
I gulped.
I didn’t want to be a part of this.
I’d tried to convince Solin to leave me behind multiple times.
I honestly didn’t know what would happen if I witnessed a beast I could sense and speak to suddenly keel over with a Nhil spear in its chest.
I already felt sick.
Feverish and wrong.
My head ached, and nausea swirled in my stomach.
I’d kept my sensitivity trapped tight within me all day, but now it fought against my control, sensing the crush of so many spirits just over the horizon, the musky warmth of family units, the shaggy protection of so many uncles, aunts, and cousins.
The bison were just like us.
They had hierarchy and affections, and I was about to become a fundamental piece in their death.
Tears stung my eyes, but I swallowed them back as Aktor stopped beside me, grabbing my hand as if it was his to grab, throwing a scathing look at Olish. “Leave, healer. You know your place is at the rear.”
Olish scowled. “Your manners need an adjustment, Aktor. I’d hoped with Kivva gone, you’d have learned to be nicer, but you’re still dreadfully uncouth.”
“Uncouth?” Aktor laughed. “Did you not listen to any of those new words the wanderer used?” He squeezed my hand to stop me from squirming free. “If you want to insult me, Olish, you might as well call me a bastard. Or at least...I think that’s what he said in the song about Vihar.”
“He also said the word for a male’s manhood could be used as a slur,” I snapped. “And you’re living up to that word quite well.”
Aktor’s eyes lit up, enjoying my rebellion far too much. “Oh, and what word was that, my sweet mate-to-be?”
“Cock.” I raised my chin. “You’re a cock, Aktor.”
He grinned with a vicious glint. “If you’ve been thinking about my cock, Runa, I can give it to you before our matehood...you only have to ask.”
With a burst of anger, I ripped my hand out of his. “Let go of me.”
“Never.” He snatched my other hand, making me grateful my ash tattoos were well and truly healed, turning silvery with age instead of a freshly-scribed rusty grey.
“Come along, mate-of-mine, the bloodshed is about to begin.”
Dragging me from Olish without giving me time to say goodbye, I tripped into speed with him. “Did it ever occur to you that if you were decent and lived up to your apologies of what you did to me, that I might actually tolerate you?”
“Is that the word in your primitive language that you share with your dirty wolf boy for love?” He yanked my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. “Are you trying to say you love me, Runa?”
I didn’t try to jerk free. He’d like it too much when I failed.
Aktor was lacking in so many things, but he was strong, and I’d learned to pick my battles wisely. “You’re not worthy of the word for love.”
“Yet you teach Olish words he shouldn’t know.” He bent closer as we drew nearer to Solin and Tral. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed. What do you think your doting Spirit Master would say if he knew you were teaching his beloved people the tongue of savages?”
I dug my heels in, yanking him to a stop. “What do you want, Aktor? Truly? Why are you like this?” I sighed, overwhelmed by what was about to happen and drowning beneath more and more waves of crippling sickness. “It takes so much effort to be angry. You’re only poisoning yourself by being so cruel and cold all the time.”
For a moment, true shock sharpened his gaze.
He paused as if he honestly deliberated my question and found himself tasting the truth, of how exhausting it was to be mean, when forgiveness and peace were there to claim, but then his walls went back up, his eyes narrowed, and he pressed his lips to my ear. “You’re not the only one listening to the rumours of what you are and what you and him could cause. I take my task very seriously, Runa. And my task is to wed you, bed you, and get you with child, so that whatever misguided belief you still harbour of running off with that wolf boy is killed, once and for all. I’ll do it because that’s my duty and because my people are my utmost responsibility. Did I have hopes of finding a mate I actually liked? Of course. Did I want a happy hearth with someone I could grow old with instead of fear? Definitely. But I will spend my entire lifetime keeping you in line because if I don’t, then they all die. And I won’t let anyone, most of all you, hurt my clan. Do. You. Understand?”
