AllFreeNovel
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Because the fact is, she’s going against everything she is and believes about herself… for me. Because her desire for me is stronger than any other facet of her personality and who she is.
And that is what makes me feel more wanted than anything ever before.
No one has ever waged war within themselves just to be in my presence.
When I saw her in the café this morning, I had that moment of thinking, Oh, this is going to be fun, imagining molding this woman into the irresistibly sexy temptress she could so easily be if she had the confidence and experience to allow it. Her nervous and awkward physicality, and her internal anxiety, all stem from her lack of experience. If properly trained and given the opportunity to practice what she’s taught, along with lots of praise when she progresses and a loving but firm hand when she messes up, this little sub could very well be the perfect partner in a D/s dynamic.
She already knows so much about BDSM, the psychology of it. She’s researched, seen, and even partially lived the lifestyle, so that cuts out so much of the task of introducing someone, a vanilla, to what I need and want, which had grown tedious over the years. Most probably because I hadn’t come across a woman I found intriguing enough outside the bedroom to want to spend the time with that it would take to educate a true novice, a beginner who didn’t even have the “book smarts” on the subject, much less the “street smarts”—aka having learned from experience.
But with Sienna, that is not the case in either situation. If I had met her in everyday life, she intrigues me on a level that would’ve put her in a league of her own, worth the time and energy it would take to introduce and teach a vanilla all about this alternative lifestyle. And not only did she have that going for her, but as an added—huge—bonus, she isn’t a novice at all. I may have to touch on some things any Dom and sub would have to discuss, things talked about by even the most experienced and formally educated people who come together to either be in a relationship or just play. But I won’t have to go so far back in “the book” that I’d have to give her a glossary, definitions of common BDSM terms, or a list of dos and don’ts everyone learns on day one. I won’t have to hand her a syllabus of what to expect by entering into this world.
She’s already landed and gone through baggage claim. She’s already been to visit. She’s learned the language and the culture. But now she just needs the immersive experience by getting to live it and practice it with help from a long-time resident, someone who has her best interest at heart.
Which is the decision I had to make today after I left the café.
I had that slightly sinister thought of This is going to be fun, and in my younger years, it could’ve gone either way—I could’ve used my abilities for good or evil. But at almost fifty years old and with this soul-deep desire to find the one and only woman who could be the perfect submissive for me, I had to decide what I was going to do.
I had to either stop things right then and there, cut myself off from her so I wouldn’t risk hurting more than just her feelings from three and a half weeks of online friendship coming to an end.
Or…
I had to be all-in. I had to be willing to care for her on a soul-deep level, keep her safe mentally and physically. I had to be up for the incredibly important responsibility of owning a 24/7 slave, because the more I get to know her, it’s becoming more and more apparent that’s exactly what she desires the most. It’s the highest level of submission, at least that I’ve ever witnessed or heard of. A submissive who gives her mind, body, and soul over to her Dominant with no hard limits.
And there are kinksters out there who would jump on that with pitchforks, yelling “Red flag! Red flag!” But there’s a big difference in what their automatic thought process leads them to—“never trust anyone who says you shouldn’t have any hard limits”—and what a proper and true Dominant who follows the real meaning of this lifestyle is talking about when they say “submission with no hard limits.”
What I mean by that is I’d learn and know her limits, allow her to voice her likes and dislikes, and then eventually she’d relinquish the ability to set those limits formally, which is a pledge of her trust in me as her Dom. In return, I would never break that trust by forcing her or even asking her to do something I know she would’ve set as a hard limit if she were allowed to. It’s the purest form of exchanging power, the most blatant show of trust between a submissive and their Dominant. She’d have to trust me not to take her too far, and I have to trust she’ll be honest and allow me to see her true reaction to whatever we’re doing.
