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RomanticSadist:
Oh you're SO lucky I don't have the verbal ability you possess.
You wrote that when you got home? Trying to get a head start on tomorrow to avoid a proper spanking? Lol
Help me understand your question, and I will honestly answer, if you would like. What did I do that you consider “real Domination,” as opposed to what you’ve see in porn?
Sienna:
Mother FUCKER. GRRRRR! My stupid computer died, and when I plugged back in, my whole message I wrote out was gone.
RomanticSadist:
Oh for fuck’s sake lol
Sienna:
Probably for the best. I would've definitely gotten bent over your knee for it. I was answering your question about my self-esteem. I get the feeling you wouldn't like the things my brain tells me.
RomanticSadist:
I don't have to like it. That's part of the freedom.
Sienna:
Let me try to remember what I said. Oh wait, that should be easy, because I was just telling you what goes on repetitively as like… background noise 24/7
RomanticSadist:
What's funny is… what I wouldn't like hearing is something to the effect of "never seeing you again," but that can't be it, because you wouldn't be able to be bent over for it.
Then let me have it full force, little one. I want to know what those voices are telling you.
??I feel like I just dared the wicked word witch to do her worst.
Like lashing myself to the mast at the siren’s call.
(Heads up: I really enjoy alliteration)
Ok, let me attempt some sort of answer on the "real Domination" for you. Porn Doms portray a Dom as a greedy, spoiled child, barking orders and expecting to be followed. There's no connection between them. There's no sense of his control or her will. The Domination of your body by triggering your mind and emotion is not shown.
Sienna:
The most fun part about intrusive thoughts is I am aware they are bullshit, but what fucks with me is the repetitive part. Anyone can have a bad thought about themselves, but then they can wave it away and that be the end of it.
With my particular brand of OCD, I get the bad thought, can tell myself "He so wouldn't be here doing this with you if he found you repulsive, dumbass," but then my brain claps back with "You worked out for the first time in ages, got all sweaty, then put on a hoodie, and sat by the hot tub and sauna all day. You look and smell like a swamp creature. Oh, and do you see how perfect he is? Now, look at you. Nice skinny-fat bod. Oh, you thought you were feeling good about it after dropping those 15 lbs. while gardening? Lest we forget, it KEPT dropping, until it took all your ass that used to be AWESOME when you worked out every day. But alas, you had to go and be a crybaby for months because you're 'overwhelmed.' Well, boo-hoo."
And so on, and so forth, until my little "But like... he really wouldn't be here if he found me repulsive" gets drowned out.
Good times. Great oldies.
RomanticSadist:
Now there IS a place for the physical brute Dom... oh shit
Give me a minute to read what you sent.
Sienna:
And your alliteration gives me butterflies in my vagina.
RomanticSadist:
You mean vaginal vibrations? Pussy pulsations?
Sienna:
hahahahahaha clam clenches?
Kitty Kegels? Ok, that's all I've got. LOL
RomanticSadist:
DAMNIT I was going to go with clitoral, but you went a little low brow lol
Oooo, I think you got me with the kitty kegels
Oh, and I have done the physical brute Dom, girls in chains and leashes, but it was by request. I’m not against it when it’s wanted.
Sienna:
YOU, Sir, have a very strange effect on me. You pull shit out of me that I learned through conditioning a long time ago that you don't say to people you want to stick around.
RomanticSadist:
So here is where the timeout crosses. Would you like me to just hear out your confessions of inner thoughts? Give my opinion? Or is your timeout over?
Sienna:
Dis me:
Gif: Harley Quinn in Suicide Squad. “Sorry… the voices.”
RomanticSadist:
There's the difference. You might not be entirely convinced you WANT me to stick around.
You may be *trying* to get me to not stay, so you don't go deeper down this rabbit hole…
Or me deeper into yours ??
Whatever you say, you are safe.
You can tucker it up and then just pull taboo fantasies that you want to do, just be a play partner, and it would not change a thing about me wanting you.
Sienna:
It's more like the opposite, I think—or maybe a mix? Idk. I'm still a little endorphin-drunk at the moment.
I keep expecting, since it's happened SO MANY TIMES, that I'll open up too much, and that'll be it. It's why the very first message I ever sent you was “block me now if you need to.”
And so, suddenly, you're this person who GETS the crazy shit coming out of my mouth, and it's like when you find a fellow conspiracy theory friend, and you go back and forth just letting all your conspiracies out of your mouth no matter how stupid or twisted they are. But I digress.
