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A Collar of Consideration can also be used when a Dominant and submissive who are not in a vanilla/romantic relationship are first learning about each other, the courting part before anything sexual happens between them, until after they’ve tested their chemistry in some way to decide whether they’d like to be in a partnership. Zen and I had this stage—just without an actual collar—but it was an online courtship before our “vibe test” last night.

And then during our conversation into the wee early-morning hours after I got home, that’s when he offered me his rules to become his sub-in-training, and I accepted. Which means I accepted to metaphorically wear his “Training Collar” and took our relationship to the next level.

In the BDSM community, this would be considered the equivalent to a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Officially dating. No awkward stage of wondering “what are we?” For him to lay out his rules and me to agree, and then for him to accept the nickname I wanted to call him, that placed the “Training Collar” securely around my neck, no question about it. And it means I’m now in the phase where I get to learn everything there is to know about Zen, as far as what he wants from a submissive goes, and at the same time, he’ll be doing the same, learning what I like and what my needs are from a Dominant.

In a perfect world, he’d tell me what he desires, and if it’s not something I consider any kind of limit—something I don’t like or just plain will not do—he’d teach me exactly how he’d like that certain desire to be fulfilled. He’d leave no room for confusion, so I can’t “mess up.” Utterly blissful for a submissive like me, who doesn’t want the burden of making decisions.

Tell me exactly how you want it, and I’ll do it. Don’t make me ask a million questions to get the full picture of what you need from me. Spell it out, step by step, and by God, I will do it in a heartbeat, happily, and present it to you on a silver platter.

But I better get my fucking praise after you see I did it perfectly.

Which is something a Dom is learning from his sub while she’s in training—how she wants to be treated, what she considers a reward or a punishment… not to be confused with a funishment. It’s an incredibly important stage in any D/s relationship, because it will establish whether or not they fit.

Art and I… we didn’t fit. He’s a true sadist, and I don’t have enough masochistic wants to take what he needs to give. I was holding him back, and at the same time, I was also trying hard to be something I’m not, just to please him. We weren’t a good match.

By agreeing to be Zen’s sub in training, I’ll get a fresh start in more than one way. We aren’t a boyfriend and girlfriend who are now going to try to add some kinky fuckery to our already established relationship. There’s not going to be any situation where I put a limit on something, and he goes “What do you mean you don’t wanna do that? We’ve been doing it for years!” I also won’t have to feel awkward about trying something new, because I’m not in this set mold where everything would seem out of my element.

It’s like the kid with the bad reputation—or the one who’s constantly bullied—getting to move to a whole new school to start over, to reinvent themselves. But while a lot of people would use that as a chance to keep hidden what they let show that didn’t have a good reception previously, this is the perfect opportunity for me to just be me. I won’t be trying to mold myself to fit what someone else wants. I’ll just be myself, be honest about my likes and dislikes, and we’ll see if what I’m happily willing to give lines up with what Zen needs to receive—and vice versa, since it’s a power exchange, not just a one-sided job with no benefits.

And that’s when the relationship can move to the next level.

That’s when a Dom can offer their sub-in-training a Permanent Collar.

While a lot of people take this literally, as in a 24/7, locking collar they can’t take off without a key, it’s also the term used to describe “being officially collared.” It has the same significance as a wedding ring. It means you belong to one another, a bond as strong if not stronger than marriage. I say this because there are some D/s relationships I’ve seen that transcend anything I’ve ever seen in a vanilla marriage before, even if that marriage has lasted a happy fifty years. They know and trust each other so deeply they don’t even have to speak to understand exactly what the other person is thinking.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com
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