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When he pulls out a few minutes later, he does it gently and with as much dignity as he can. For me. He swings my legs onto the bed, and I curl up into myself. I fully expect that he’s going to go for his clothes, but he gets on the bed, on top of the covers, and curls his body around me. He’s moist—yes, I do indeed dare to use the word moist because it’s fun and seriously underrated as far as strangely nasty but also satisfying words go—with sweat, his muscles warm and lax, just the way I feel.
I reach over and run my hand through the lush strands of his dark hair, trying to memorize the details of it. Now that I’m spent, my brain surprisingly works a lot better when it comes to thinking about other things.
And other things being the fact that I’m leaving tomorrow.
Alden must be thinking about it too. We both kind of stiffen imperceptibly, but it happens. I know I can’t just not say anything, especially after this, but what can I say?
I guess I can only speak the truth.
“Umm, that was nice. That was really amazing. I’d honestly like to see how much better we could get at it. Not that it wasn’t good. It was so, so good, but it was the first time. We don’t even know what we each like yet. There are so many things we could do. So many more things. Not just could, but things I’d like to do, very much like to do. Uh, this is…this is getting awkward.”
I crane my head up and look at Alden. He has his eyes open. They’re full of emotion, and he doesn’t shy away from meeting my gaze directly. Now he’s the one smoothing his hand over my hair, soothing me. Smiling softly and wistfully.
“I’d like that too. To get to know each other. It’s not…maybe if things were different. No, for sure, if things were different. I’m sorry they’re not, but I’m not sorry that you’re going to have an amazing life of your choosing and that your parents are going to get to retire. I’m happy for you because if I’m not, then I start thinking about how I messed up your life.”
“You didn’t mess it up. I thought…at first I thought you did, but…but no. You didn’t. You’re right. I wasn’t really doing anything that could be considered living. It was too safe, too mundane. And it was boring. It was straight-up boring. I needed a kick in the pants to go out and see the world. I’d rather…I do wish I could put off seeing it. Just for a little while.”
“It’s very nice to hear you say that, wife, even if we both know it can’t be a reality.”
I try not to sigh because sighing is bad. Sighing feels less than adult, and we both knew this was coming. “It’s really going to suck having to say goodbye tomorrow. To your brothers and your granny and even your men. I hate that.”
Alden has one of those faces that can be used to give nothing away if he doesn’t want to. I think he has good training at keeping that mask in place, but right now, he looks upset. I can tell he’s holding back or trying to, but he’s not totally succeeding, and it makes my chest ache. He’s playing the part of a hero again, in his own way. While he’s busy saving the world and righting wrongs, who is going to look after him? I know his brothers and granny will, but it’s not the same.
Oh really? Am I really thinking I could do that? Wow. Two orgasms, and we’re falling down the rabbit hole of complete and utter infatuation. It’s probably a good thing I’m leaving tomorrow. Safer for more reasons than the whole hacking/bad guys coming after us and maybe finding us someday thing.
I just hate that he seems so lonely. I could tell him that I’d like to stay. I could even tell them that I’d like to be a part of all this, but it’s too soon. It’s much too soon. I don’t really even know what all this is, and what could I do? Help them check out books? Yeah, right. Alden and I…we might have worked out in another lifetime, in another world. We might even have had our destiny mapped out for us if things had gone another way and our fathers were still alive, but honestly, I’m glad fate dealt us different hands. Not that I’m glad people are dead. I don’t think that even bad people deserve death. I can’t let myself think things like that. It’s not right. That’s not at all what I’m saying. I’m just glad that when we met, it was here, even if it meant being kidnapped. Even if it means I’ll be packing up that wedding dress and taking it with me because it’s the only option. Even if it means not going back to my apartment and having Scarlet’s men pack up my things and put them in storage until some later date and having them take care of the notice and the rent owing. Even if it means having to tell my parents the craziest thing ever.
