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Getting to her feet, she rounded the table and walked toward Caleb. She reached out to stroke Tara’s cheek. “How is she?”
“She’s more than fine. It’s probably her feeding time, but I wanted to ask you something.”
“Sure, no problem,” she said.
Looking up at him, she was struck again with his intense blue eyes. He had nice eyes, kind eyes, beautiful. Nibbling her lip, she waited to hear what he had to say. She was dreading what he was about to ask. Did he want to leave? She loved his company but this was still a job to him. She didn’t need him for Tara. He’d taught her that she was more than capable of taking care of her. She had to trust herself when it came to the little girl. She loved Tara so much.
When she first held Tara, she worried that she would be an awful person to the little girl because of her past, but that was so wrong. She wanted to protect Tara and give her a good life.
“You know how I went to have dinner with my friend Ryan,” he said.
“I did, did you have a good time?” she asked.
“Yeah, I did. He’s an asshole,” he said, laughing. He shook his head as if he was sharing some internal joke, and then slowly stopped.
She missed his laughter.
“He’d love to have us for dinner on Sunday. You, me, and Tara.”
“Oh,” Annie said, taken aback.
Glancing down at Tara’s adorable face, she couldn’t help but nibble her lip.
“Do you think that’s a good thing?”
“Annie, what do you have against taking Tara out in public?”
“Nothing, honestly, it’s nothing.”
“Then why do you always attempt to come up with an excuse not to go out?”
She stepped back, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. The last thing she wanted was for him to think badly of her. “Don’t … judge.”
He stayed quiet but Annie knew he’d judge.
“I adore Tara, okay? I love her. I know she’s not mine, but I do love her.” She licked her lips, feeling how dry they were. It wasn’t bad, was it? “When we’re out, and this happened the first day I was given her, I was asked how old she was. I was asked so many questions.”
“And is that a bad thing?” he asked.
“No, it’s not.”
“Then what is the problem?”
“How do I answer them?” she asked, glancing down at Tara. “Do I lie to them? Concoct some kind of life where Tara is mine? Do I tell them the truth? I’m not Tara’s real mother, and no matter how much I wish she was mine, she’s not. What do I do? What do I say? Do I allow her to call me Mom? Will that hurt her? What do I do?” This was why she had avoided going out. Not for any other reason than how it would in time affect Tara.
Did she just play along and pretend?
“Right,” Caleb said. “I see.”
“I don’t know what to do in those situations.”
“Just say what feels right. You and Tara are going to have that discussion at some point. You know this.”
She’d already told Caleb that no matter what, she was going to tell Tara about her real parents. Not what they did, just that they had passed long before their time. Tara didn’t need to know what happened between her and her parents. She only needed to know that the two at one time had loved one another. Annie no longer felt anger or pain, and she certainly wouldn’t pass any bad feelings onto a child. That was cruel.
“Take this one step at a time, one outing at a time. It will help you to answer all of those questions. For the simple comments, like ‘your daughter is so cute’, you can just say anything like ‘thank you, she is so adorable’.”
Annie nodded. “You’re right. I’m overthinking everything.”
“Why not come to Ryan and Katherine’s house on Sunday? I think it will be good for you. I know Katherine is a decent cook. They’re good people.”
She looked at Tara and knew Caleb was right. Staying locked up in her apartment, afraid of what she might have to say or do, was not right, and it certainly wasn’t right for this little girl.
“Yes, I’d like that.”
Caleb held Tara out to Annie and she took the little girl and held her close. She cupped the back of her head and pressed a kiss to it. She couldn’t resist inhaling deeply. The scent of a baby was just so beautiful.
“I’ll call and let him know.”
He stepped away, leaving Annie with Tara.
“You hear that? We’re going to meet his friends. I don’t even know what that means. I’m a romance author and I don’t know what any of this means.” She looked at her baby girl and then held her tightly. “I love you, Tara, always. I won’t let anything bad happen to you, but I don’t want you to hate me and I don’t want to lie to you.”
