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He didn’t finish, and she wouldn’t let him blame himself. “I couldn’t save him.”
“But you did everything you could.”
She had lied to Kyle, but she needed to be honest now. “Something’s wrong with my magic. I should’ve been able to heal you, and I shouldneverhave been able to do what I did in this room.”
He glanced to the side as if he could see the destruction she’d caused. “What happened to the guards?”
Taking a deep breath and gathering the splintered pieces of her courage, she spoke the horrible reality. “I killed them.” Now he would see her for the monster she’d become.He would leave her.No, she had never had him in the first place. Not really.
“You saved us.”
“Bymurderingpeople.” Revulsion had her pulling away, but he wouldn’t loosen his hold on her.
“Bad people.”
How could he minimize the terrible thing she had done? “I’m a healer. My gift comes from a good and helpful place, but I flung my magic at them like a bomb while my powers reached for you.”
“It was an accident, you killing them.”
“True, but that doesn’t make them less dead.” She needed him to realize the awfulness. “My powers threw the guards so hard and fast that their bones broke. I bent them like soft metal. They must have died instantly. I…my powers slammed into you as well.” Distancing herself didn’t take away the regret for what she’d done to him.
“No, you shielded me, or I would’ve been in the same condition as them.”
Running her fingers through his hair to check his scalp, she found a wound. “You must have hit your head on the floor. I don’t know whether the blow to your skull or the flare of light my magic made caused your blindness.”Either way, her fault.
“Can you heal me? Or try? I would rather be at full capacity if the Order makes it through that door.”
Surprise had chills running along her still-lit symbols. “Did you not hear how wrong my powers went? My magic? It’s monstrous.” She whispered the last, as though the supernatural blood in her veins might hear her.
He ran his hands along her arms in long, slow strokes. “Your powers ended a few people before they killed us.” His voice went gruff. “Mine could level the entire city, wiping out millions of innocents in only minutes. If either of us is a monster, it’s me.”
“But you haven’t—”
“Because I keep strict control over it at all times. Trust me, the temptation is there. I would’ve sunk this entire ship if I could have found a way to protect you. From the moment Yulia told us what she’d done—”
“Yulia?” She’d been so jealous of the woman, of how perfect she was for Alexei. Had her envy led to all of this? Shame spiraled in her belly, a sick, atrocious thing. “Your mate?”
He tugged Joelle closer, until her breasts pressed against his chest and she straddled him. Trying to keep her weight off him and whatever his injuries might be had become a lost cause.
“You’re my mate,” he said.
A fluttering of hope, a buzzing of daydream-drenched euphoria cut through her pain.His mate. How many times had she fantasized about the possibility since he had been there when she opened her eyes in that frigid locked tower half a world away? She had wanted him as she had never craved anyone or anything. Then, he’d touched her, kissed her, and brought her to bliss only to leave. Doubt cooled the joy that bubbled within her. “You told everyone that I wasn’t your mate.”
“I lied.”
“You said you wouldn’t lie to me.”
“I lied to everyone but you, including myself.”
True, he hadn’t told her specificallyI am not your mate, but he had rejected her so many times. Still, that didn’t cut to the heart of the matter. “Why would you lie to yourself about a mate?” She wouldn’t let him get away with a flippant answer. No, not for this. “Why deny yourself the one who the fates created just for you?”He couldn’t invent a good reason to explain his rejection except that he hadn’t wanted her. Her mind echoed with Noxx’s words about how she might destroy the world. Alexei had been right in his choice to not tie his life to hers.
“I wasn’t worth you.”
What?She couldn’t fathom a way he could’ve believed such nonsense. “You’re a demon prince, apparently the most powerful one.”
“Demon hybrid.”
She slid her hand against his jaw, turned his head so that he faced her even if he couldn’t see her. “Don’t interrupt when I’m telling you how amazing you are.”
