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The girl had already tried to kill me once.
Kessily looked confused. “Lord Zehr ordered she was to be your personal maid. I thought you were fond of her—”
Zehr must have guessed she’d come close to killing me, and that I’d lied to protect her, so he’d punished us both with each other’s presence. He was such a bastard.
A clever, observant bastard, though.
A few minutes later, I’d climbed down the slick stone steps into the caves surrounding the springs, where the fluorescence lit the still surface of the water with a silvery-blue glow. I shed my clothes, which smelled of sweat and pine and Arren’s smoky scent; it had been a long few days.
Silvery ripples spread away from my body as I submerged myself up to my chin, adjusting to the warm, fresh-smelling water, then leaned back and let my body float, my hair drifting around my head. It was heavenly.
As I floated, knots unkinked through my shoulders and back. I hadn’t even noticed those tight tendons during the frantic days. I stared at the stalactites above, at that deep cave ceiling.
I was alone, away from my men, and I hated that.
I’d fought for Arren, and I had finally, finally won. The memory of his dark eyes lost in that monstrous face raised an ache in my throat. I’d almost lost him, because the dreadful nobles who’d raised my men had hidden the secrets of the Scourge. If I got my hands on the right Scourge stone, could I bring Talisyn back his memories? Could I undo everything those wicked Elder Royals had done to us?
Remembering Talisyn’s patience as I tried to bring his memories back… the polite, kind way he’d checked on me when he could tell I was in pain… the way he feared he’d lose all of us if he couldn’t regain his memories, that his brothers would leave him behind… I squeezed my eyes shut against the sudden swell of tears. Then I realized there was no better place and blinked my wet lashes open again. I might be a hero—I was trying to be, at least—but maybe I still needed a moment to fall apart.
It had been so long, and I was so tired and overwhelmed, and… I had to save Zehr. Even though I hated him, I couldn’t imagine losing him. I needed him to save the world.
I might have to become the lord of the Scourge myself.
The thought made me sick, imagining being trapped down here forever, away from my men. I’d be alone forever.
And it would be worse because I’d come so close to love. Not just love… To having a family again. The memories of my father and mother, of my adoptive parents, flickered to mind, every happy memory now soaked with the shadows of what came after.
Of my father, strong and resolute, turning to hold back the Elders as they hunted us.
Of the glimpse I’d had of my mother Amily’s body before I scrambled away in the dark.
Of Lord Danen closing the door behind him as he carried Hanna out of the bedroom, leaving my second mother’s corpse behind.
Tears trickled into the water, sending ripples of light moving away from my body.
“Are you alright?” It was a familiar, querulous voice. Pedra.
I righted myself hastily, treading water. “I didn’t ask them to send you.”
The words came out harsh. I was never very nice when someone caught me crying; it made me feel stupid and childish.
“Lord Zehr’s orders.”
“Lord Zehris taking a big nap, and maybe he just won’t wake up.”
“His orders still stand. I remain your oh-so-loyal servant.” Her voice was even more fake-cheerful than mine. “I brought you soap.”
Something splashed into the water next to me, then something else. I fished through the water to find a fluffy sponge the size of a small melon and a bar of rose-scented soap. I had to admit she was useful. “Thank you.”
“Delighted to serve,” she answered.
For a few long seconds, there was no sound in the dim light but the lapping of the water against the stone. I wondered if she’d crept back up the stairs ever so quietly.
She cleared her throat. “So… why are you crying?”
“I’m not.” My voice came out so sharp and offended, it was obvious I’d been crying.
“I can hear it in your voice.”
