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That night,we set up in Caldren’s camp. I could hear the distant sound of Honor happily reuniting with Jaik and Caldren in Caldren’s tent, and I was happy for them. But as the camp grew quiet and everyone fell asleep except for the guards who circled the distant perimeter, I stayed awake, staring into the fire.
Honor often said that all of our fathers had been responsible for starting the Scourge curse, and she seemed to carry the burden of Lysander’s decisions. But as I looked out over the tents of the Kingdom preparing for war, I couldn’t help but feel my father had always born more responsibility than any of the others.
Surely Pend must have led the murderous group against Honor’s father. But had my father been whispering in his ear? Because no one seemed to me as vile as my own father, and everything he had done during the time I was alive.
Pend’s cruelty had been driven by his need for power. Joachim’s cruelty had been driven by his sheer joy in causing pain.
And wasn’t I his son? The cruelest of all the dragon Royals? The one who terrified both the underside of Rylow and spies well beyond these borders?
Joachim wasn’t even loyal to our own isle. I couldn’t imagine Pend would have turned the isle over to Kallus. But here we were.
There was a soft rustling from the tent, then Honor sat down beside me, her shoulder brushing by. “Do you mind if I join you? I have brooding to do too.”
“I’m not brooding,” I said, but her eyes sparkled at me and I couldn’t take any offense. “I’m thinking about a plan to make my father pay.”
“We’ll figure everything out. Our kingdom will be fine.”
I wished I had her confidence. “Shouldn’t you be with Jaik and Caldren?”
I knew how much the time apart had hurt Honor, because I’d seen how she worried about them. And I knew how much it must have hurt them to be separated, because I would have felt the same being apart from her.
“I thought you needed me more tonight.” She rested her head on my shoulder, both of us staring into the flames.
My first impulse was to say that I didn’t need anyone. It was such a strange, bold comment for her to make. To say that I needed her and that she could comfort me. And yet… It was the truth. Maybe there was no need to play games or be prideful when it was just the two of us.
I turned my face into her hair and kissed her tenderly on top of the head. “I’m glad you’re here, Princess.”
“I’ve noticed the others are taking to calling metheir queen.”
“I think I’ve been about as nice to you as I can stand to be, Honor.”
She grinned up at me. “Very well. I wouldn’t want you to strain yourself.”
The rest of the camp was quiet. I should send her to bed too. We had so much to deal with when we woke in the morning. But the sense of privacy, of having a rare moment alone with her, was precious, and I was too selfish to give it up. There was always someone else around. Often, it was my own twin, who usually felt like an extension of myself. But sometimes I wanted Honor alone.
I wondered how we would figure that out in the long run. And I wondered if there would be a long run.
She rose suddenly and walked away, and at first I felt alone. But it made sense; she should go to sleep.
Then she came back, with a thick fleece blanket draped over her shoulders like a makeshift cloak and two steaming mugs in her hands. She settled it beside me and said, “I stole something for us from the guard’s station.”
I gave her a skeptical look. “You are the queen. And Caldren is entirely at your service. I’m pretty sure you don’t have to steal a thing.”
“Just staying in practice,” she said cheerfully. “When you are queen of this kingdom, you never know what you might have to do for it.”
“Well, that’s true enough.”
She passed one of the mugs over to me, then tucked the blanket around both our shoulders. She withdrew various snacks that she had hidden around her person, and I watched with amusement as she brought out good cheese, two crisp apples, a packet of butter wrapped up in paper and an entire loaf of tangy sourdough bread that had made her look for a second as if she were pregnant.
“I am not sure if you are a wonder or a terror,” I told her.
Her answering cheeky grin made me feel the world was not nearly as dark as I had thought it was a few minutes before.
The two of us toasted our bread over the fire and ate, and I soon found myself in a far better mood, which made it surprising to me that I started to talk. Of course, hot buttered bread and a little cheese will often do wonders for one’s spirits.
I told her about how my father had always treated Lynx badly, and how I had always tried to defend my brother, but perhaps not as much as I should have, because I didn’t want to be the one my father scorned. My father was always holding me up as the good example, the worthy son.
“But if I was worthy to him… in the opinion of a selfish traitor who would sacrifice anyone for power…” I stared into the fire.
