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“But kids—I won’t change my mind about that.”
God, it hurt.
“It would be irresponsible to have them anyway, given what I do. What kind of parents would we be if we thought that environment was appropriate? You know that better than anyone after all the shit you’ve been through.”
“Well…in that scenario, you would be retired.”
His eyes stilled like I’d just insulted him. “I’m annoyed by this conversation, but I realize it’s necessary before you move in. Solet me be absolutely clear in this. There’s no scenario in which we have children. There’s no scenario in which I suddenly decide fatherhood is right for me. Not everyone is meant to be a parent—and certainly not me.”
“Not even to be with the woman you love…?”
His answer was immediate. “No.”
“Can I ask you something?”
He gave an audible sigh, like this conversation was causing him a headache.
“Is it because you don’t want children or because you deem yourself inadequate to raise them?”
“Both.”
“I understand what you went through with your parents—”
“You don’t. Just as I’ll never understand how it feels for your father to look you in the eye and threaten to kill you. You can analyze my past all you want, but it’s not going to change my future. My line dies with me. If the two of us aren’t enough for you, then perhaps this is the end of the road for us.”
I couldn’t imagine my life without children—but I couldn’t imagine my life without him either. “Is this something you would reconsider in the future—”
“No.”
“You might feel differently after you’ve been married for a while—”
“No.”
“Bartholomew—”
“Laura. The answer is no. It’ll always be no. I trust you enough to know that you wouldn’t trap me into it. And if you did, I would financially support you, but I would never spend a single moment with that child.”
I was stunned into silence.
Our food and coffee were abandoned. Our joy had evaporated.
I had a difficult decision ahead of me. But when I looked down that road, the only face I saw was his. My heart beat for this man, and it would never beat for anyone else. If I found someone else, they would always be my second choice, and that seemed cruel. While I wanted children, I wanted them with someone I loved, and to have them with someone I loved less…didn’t make sense. I believed Bartholomew was capable of change and growth because I’d witnessed it with my own eyes. I believed there was a chance he would change his mind someday, but he wasn’t ready for that today. “Okay.”
“Okay what?” he asked, his voice still a bit cold.
“I want to be with you—no matter what our future looks like.”
He stared at me for a long time, the hardness slowly softening, like waves turning rock to sand. The silence continued as he studied my face, taking me in with a new depth. “You’re certain?”
“I’m certain I’ll never love anyone else the way I love you.”
His heavy body moved on top of mine, six-foot-something of manly perfection, and his narrow hips squeezed between my soft thighs until he sank inside me. Inch after inch filled me until his big dick had fully claimed me. Dark eyes were locked on to mine, and he started to rock, taking it slow without my having to ask.
I moved my hands up his muscled back and into his hair, digging into the thick strands, rocking my hips back into him, feeling a deeper connection than I’d ever felt before. Our bodies came closer to each other, and we writhed together, our breaths short, our moans loud. My face rested against his cheek as I clung to him. “I love you…” My nails dug into his back as I got lost in the moment, free to say what was in my heart without judgment or rejection. I said it again and again, not needing to hear him say it back.
Because I could feel it.
Most of the boxes were stacked in the living room. My furniture was still there because Bartholomew said he would have one of his guys take care of the removal. I stood in front of the closet and looked at my remaining clothes, the stuff in the very back, outfits I hardly ever wore. Should I take them or donate them?
