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“Then why did it happen in the first place?”
“Because you lived elsewhere. If you lived under my roof, you would be untouchable.”
“Except when I leave to go to work or the gym…”
He took a breath, subtle restraint on his frustration. “I have men protecting me within a mile radius of every place I go. When you’re my woman, I would give you the exact same protection.Snipers in buildings. Men working at coffee carts with assault rifles stowed underneath. Eyes would be on you—always.”
“But this was one of your men. Not an outsider. So if that happens again, no one will know I’m in danger.”
He released another breath. “Sweetheart, I’ll work out the logistics later. But I will make it my priority to keep you safe. My number one priority—always.”
I recognized this feeling of numbness because I’d felt it before—when I was raped. It took years of therapy to recover, and now I was back to ground zero. It was more traumatizing than before, but it was a repeated offense. I’d known what would happen before it happened, like it was all in slow motion. “Bartholomew, I can’t do this. I love you so much…but I can’t do this.” I had no tears because I was incapable of feeling anything right now.
“Laura.” Now his voice was as hard as his eyes. “I will always protect you.”
“You didn’t protect me then.”
“Nothing happened. I stopped it from happening, and I killed all of them—”
“But barely. You didn’t have a plan. That chair could have been made out of metal, and the outcome would have been very different—”
“I would have found a way, Laura.” He tried to silence me with his angry eyes, but it wouldn’t work.
“Nothing happened…?” I asked, my voice quiet. “They held me down and stripped off all my clothes.” I kept my voice steady, but it wanted to shake. My eyes burned into his, wanting him tounderstand how horrible it was. “They flicked my nipples until I cried.”
He struggled to keep a straight face, but his shortened breaths gave away his anger.
“They pissed on me—”
“Stop.” He caved, his eyes severing contact.
“Don’t say nothing happened.”
“Butthatdidn’t happen.” He lifted his chin and looked at me again. “I’m not dismissing what you went through…but I stopped the worst of it. I protected you exactly as I promised—and I will protect you better once you’re under my roof.”
Being with the love of my life wasn’t an equal trade-off, not for the risk. “You’re a very powerful man, Bartholomew. During our time together, I’ve come to appreciate just how majestic that power really is. But when you’re at the top, all eyes are on you. I’m your one and only weakness—and I’ll live the rest of my life with a target on my back.”
His stare had hardened again, all his walls up.
“I can’t do it.” I’d be scared every single day, wonderingwhenit would happen, notif.
A heavy silence filled the dead space between us. Bartholomew was mute, lacking an argument to combat the truth of my words. He eventually looked away, his eyes on the window that showed the buildings across the street. It stayed that way for a long time—the two of us accepting the end of our relationship.
“Unless…”
After a beat, he looked at me again.
“Unless…you walked away from it all.”
His breaths were slow and steady, his eyes hard as concrete.
If he were willing to do it, he would have suggested it on his own. I knew his answer before he gave it, but a part of me irrationally hoped he would make a different choice if I asked.
Then his eyes dropped—and that was the end of it.
How could that answer hurt so much when I already knew it was coming? How could the expected catch me by surprise? How could I…feel so broken? “It’s always been my dream to have a family…to replace what I lost, but I was willing to give that up for you. But you aren’t willing to make an equal sacrifice for me.” I said the words slowly, talking myself through the horrible realization.
He kept his eyes down—like a coward.
