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“You’re a therapist now?” I snapped.
“No, but I know exactly how you feel. Been there, done that. Remember?”
I looked away.
“All things come to an end, Bartholomew. It’s your time to walk off the stage. Not in defeat, but victory.”
I still didn’t look at him.
“Don’t lose her over this.”
“Even if I did…I can’t give her what she wants.”
“Which is?”
“Kids. I fuckinghatekids.”
Benton didn’t say anything.
“I’m not having a kid just to neglect them. Just to hate them. Just to regret their very existence.”
“That’s not how it would be.”
“Yes, it would.”
“Just because your parents—”
“Shut the fuck up.” I looked at him again. “I’m done with this bullshit conversation.” Maybe the booze had started to wear off a bit, because I no longer felt loose. I felt rigid, hard, impenetrable. “I’d be an idiot to give up everything for a single person. If she wants to be with me, it has to be my way—and that’s it. She made her choice, and she made the right one.”
“So you’re saying you only want to be in a relationship if they risk everything and you risk nothing?”
“Yes.”
Benton’s eyes narrowed. “So you don’t trust her.”
“I don’t trust anyone, Benton.”
24
LAURA
A month had come and gone.
I went to work then returned to my apartment like clockwork. When I was home, I continued to work on my laptop because I had nothing else to occupy my mind. In all that time, Bartholomew had never texted me.
I didn’t text him.
It was a clean break. A breakup we both wanted.
Sometimes I wondered if he’d already slept with someone new, but then I forced myself to stop thinking about it. It didn’t matter whether he did or not. It didn’t matter whether I did or not.
It was over.
I knew I should try dating again, put myself out there and resume a regular life. The sooner I did normal things, the sooner I would feel normal. Maybe I’d meet a nice guy and that would spark excitement again.
But that wasn’t enough to make me try. I didn’t sign up for any dating apps. Didn’t go out in the hope of meeting someone. I stayed home—alone.
I’d just finished dinner when someone knocked on the door.
