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“I haven’t even spoken to my men yet because I don’t have the balls to look them in the eye right now.” He raised his voice. “Never in my life have I been ashamed, but I’m fucking ashamed.” He leaned over the table, coming closer to me, jabbing his finger into the surface. “I don’t know what’s going to happen when I walk in there. They might burn me alive and spit on my body. Wouldn’t blame them if they did.”
“You didn’t have to save me—”
“I don’t regret my decision, Laura. I would have saved you a hundred times—because I actually care about you.”
“I shouldn’t have gone to my father. I shouldn’t have been so stupid, and trust me, I will regret that for the rest of my life. But let’s not forget that you lied to me, Bartholomew.”
He leaned back in his chair.
“You walked into my shop with the intention of using me.”
“Then I changed my mind—”
“But the foundation of our relationship was a lie. You didn’t walk in there because you wanted to fuck me. You walked in there because you wanted to use me as bait. And then you kept that secret to yourself formonths.”
He hadn’t blinked in nearly two minutes. “You made it very clear this wasn’t a serious relationship, so I wasn’t required to tell you.”
“What did you expect me to do when I found out? Do you have any idea what kind of situation you put me in?” Now we were yelling back and forth at each other, our voices shaking the walls of my apartment.
“I sure as fuck didn’t expect you to dump me and go to your father. Nor did I expect you to tell him everything. Not after I’d proven to you what kind of man I was. Maybe I should have told you the truth, but you shouldn’t have chosen him.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I asked, my voice cracking. My eyes watered, hot with angry tears. “I will kill that man before this is over. I will shoot him over and over until he bleeds out on his favorite rug.”
He wore a hard stare, like he shared no delight in that ending.
“Please…give me another chance.”
I was barely holding it together, and he looked devoid of all emotion. “Laura, I told you I wouldn’t change my mind about your father. Not for you. Not for anyone. The same thing applies to this. I won’t change my mind.”
It was a knife to the stomach. “Bartholomew—”
“You’re the one who ended this relationship. Remember that.”
“Because I was angry—”
“And if your father hadn’t been a piece of shit, you wouldn’t be asking me to take you back.”
“We don’t know that—”
“You want me back because I took bullets for you. You want me back because I gave upeverythingfor you. You want me back because you’ve finally realized you’re the one who’s not goodenough for me.” He got to his feet so quickly the chair went flying back.
I got up too. “I’ve never thought that I was better than you—”
He headed to the door but then stopped abruptly to look at me. “You said you didn’t want to date someone like me—”
“After the shootout that injured us both, I think that’s pretty fair.”
“I wanted to be your man, but you didn’t want me to be.”
“I just didn’t want anything serious—”
“Because I wasn’t good enough for you.” His eyes were furious. “That’s why, Laura. I was only good enough to be your secret fuck buddy. I was only good enough for hotel rooms and shadows. You went on a date with some other guy because I wasn’t worthy of that respect.”
“I didn’t go on a date—”
“It’s more than just picking your father. It’s everything. And believe it or not, I deserve better than that.”
Ouch. “Bartholomew, my mother was murdered and I was raped—”
