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“Otherwise, I’ll pick someone else.”
“Thanks for putting me on the spot.”
“You can say no, Benton. That’s all you have to say.”
He gave a loud sigh then rubbed the back of his head. “Jesus…”
“I have my answer.”
“No…”
I stared down into my drink.
“I don’t want to be the reason.”
“This could affect you later, Benton.”
“I realize that.”
“Maybe you should move to Florence, then.”
“Doesn’t matter where we live.” He took a drink. “You really think he’s the best choice?”
Other men had been with me longer, since the very beginning. “When everything went to shit, Bleu was loyal to me—to the very end. I can’t say the same for the rest of them. Maybe they didn’t oppose me, but they didn’t mitigate the disloyalty either.”
“But do you think he’s cut out for the job? Bleu’s always been quiet.”
“Is quiet a bad thing?”
He shrugged.
“I don’t talk when I fuck. I don’t talk when I kill. Really, I don’t say much at all.”
“It sounds like you’ve thought this through. If that’s what you want to do—do it.”
I took a drink and let the burn go down my throat. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
“It’s fine, Bartholomew. I think it’s a mistake. I think he’ll come to regret it. But he has to crash and burn and learn this on his own.”
The conversation died, and we drank in silence at the bar. Another round was ordered, and we continued to sit there. I used to pity Benton because his life had ended when he’d had Claire, but now the same had happened to me.
“How are things going with Laura?”
I stared into my glass. “I’m happy to have her back. Whenever we’re together…it’s always right.”
“That’s good. And the baby?”
“I know it’s real, but I haven’t come to accept it’s real.”
“And it won’t feel real until you hold the kid in your arms. No matter how big her belly gets.”
Her stomach was different. Her face was different. The changes were subtle, but I’d noticed them the second I looked at her. They didn’t bother me at all, and once my hand felt the little bump, I actually liked it. In a sick and twisted way, I enjoyed the fact that I was responsible for all these transformations. “I’m happy to be with Laura, but I’m not happy about all the changes that are about to happen. My life has been exciting, but now it’ll be repetitive, monotonous, predictable…”
“Predictable is the last word I would use to describe raising a kid.”
“But it’s everything else. What will I do with my time?”
“Find a hobby.”
