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Iwake to the heavy rain pounding against my window.
As I turn to my side, my entire body aches with a dull pain, causing me to cringe while trying to get comfortable. My mouth is parched, making it hard to swallow.
There’s a bottle of water beside my bed. Unscrewing the top, I almost finish the entire bottle, then follow with an unflattering rasp.
My head is pounding. Needing relief before it becomes an unwanted migraine, I try once again to sit up to be able to open my bedside drawer to find anything. My hands rumble in a mess, only to see the Ibuprofen sitting amongst my other random things.
“It’s because you’re pregnant and can’t take certain medications like Ibuprofen.”
The insides of my stomach curl, initiating a wave of nausea. I lean over, barely making the trash can to vomit profusely inside it. All I have inside of me is water, so at least it’s not food which is more bearable.
Shallow breaths expel from my mouth as reality knocks into me like a wrecking ball.
I’m pregnant with Hunter’s baby.
And he’s having a baby with his wife.
There is no escaping the nightmare I’m living unless I do the unthinkable.
But I refuse to go down that road again. I’m not seventeen and pregnant in my senior year with my boyfriend. This is not a teen pregnancy. I’m almost twenty-one, studying in college and working casually at a clothing store downtown just for some extra cash.
I’m an adult, and there is no excuse for what I have done.
Yeah, except I was stupid and thought I was invincible.
Whatever decision I make, I have to be able to live with it for the rest of my life.
Given I’m still grieving my past decisions, the answer is crystal clear. At least, it should be.
My heart begs to differ.
If I kept the baby, what role would Hunter have in my life? I can’t exactly envision him being a father. Also, how fucked up would it be for my kid to be competing with his and Kathy’s child.
I never want my child to be second best.
All this thinking hurts my head, and the migraine is just around the corner unless I do something drastic to stop it.
I’m forced to head out to the drugstore to get some painkillers safe for pregnancy which means I need to shower. After a long shower which I almost fall asleep in, I throw on my sweats and head a block over to the drugstore.
My stomach makes an unflattering grumbling sound while standing at the checkout. It’s so loud the man before me turns rudely. After I pay for my items, I quickly grab a wrap next door since I haven’t eaten since lunchtime yesterday. Thank God I passed the damn stones. It wasn’t pleasant, but according to the nurse, they were rather small compared to others she had seen.
Back in my dorm, I manage a few small bites before feeling queasy. I contemplate calling Beau since I haven’t heard from him, but I know he was angry. He loathes Hunter, never one to hold back his opinion of him.
And once again, I feel completely alone in this big world, supposedly surrounded by family and love.
My phone buzzes beside me. Mom’s name flashes on the screen at the same time my stomach flips.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Alexa, are you feeling okay? Addy mentioned only this morning you weren’t well when she had brunch with you two weeks ago. Honestly, I don’t know why you girls can’t update me in real-time.”
“Actually.” I clear my throat. “It turned out to be kidney stones, just like Addy said. I went to the ER yesterday afternoon and came home late last night.”
“Alexandra!” she shouts, forcing me to close my eyes, knowing she’ll give me a lecture any moment now. “Why on Earth didn’t you call us?”
“It happened really fast. I passed the stones, then they sent me home, and I crashed. It’s okay, Mom. Beau was with me.”
“And Beau didn’t think to call us?”
