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Will presses his lips flat, then grabs his phone.
“I’m just going to head into the office and get a couple of hours of work done before the kids come home. I’ll see you guys later.”
No surprise he bailed, not wanting to get caught in our heated argument. When the door closes, Beau immediately moves to Elijah, touching his hair but careful not to wake him.
“So, are we going to talk about this because ambushing you at your brother’s house wasn’t exactly part of the plan? You know I have a baby to take care of.”
“Yes, I do know that, Alexa. It’s why I’ve been backing off.”
“Backing off?” I question him. “What for? You know I love having you around, and you’re not even here for much longer. Don’t you want to spend time with us?”
Beau remains silent, keeping his thoughts to himself. This is unlike him, almost as if something or someone has gotten into him and told him to stay away from me.
“Okay, I get it,” I say with a pained voice. “I’m a mom, and you’re still single. You have this whole life ahead of you and so much freedom. I’m weighing you down.”
Beau slams his fist on the table, causing me to jump. “Don’t you get it, Alexa? I’m trying my best here to let you live your life, but you’re not making it easy for me.”
“What…? What do you mean?” I stammer. “I’m not making it easy for you? Okay, sure, it’s my fault I got pregnant. I should’ve been more careful, but you know what? I don’t regret having Elijah. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. If I could go back, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Admitting the truth is hard. We often regret decisions or life choices, but as I stare at my son, I can’t imagine my life without him in it.
“Then why won’t you let me go?” he argues with a clenched jaw. “Let me live my life, and you live yours.”
I feel the blood rising within me as anger consumes me. The Beau standing in front of me, pleading with me to just go away, is not the same Beau I love.
“I’ve never asked for anything more than your friendship. Now you’re acting like you can’t even be in the same room as me.”
Beau drops his gaze, shaking his head. “I can’t stand beside you and watch you welcome him back into your life.”
“Hunter?” I ask. Why does this always have to be the core reason for our arguments? “He’s Elijah’s father.”
“Right, so let me walk away, Alexa. Let me walk away before we completely lose our friendship.”
With a trembling chin, I refuse to let him walk away. If anyway needs to walk away, it’s me.
“Goodbye, Beau.”
Leaning down, I pick the carrier up despite my weakened muscles. Closing the door behind me, I safely secure Elijah in the car before driving off.
I beg myself not to cry, doing my best to get him home safely. But once the car is parked in the driveway, I can’t hold back any longer. My posture collapses as tears stream done my cheeks and eventually become heavy sobs.
Losing my best friend is a pain like no other. But just as Beau wished for, I’m letting him go. I can’t change Hunter being in my life, and if that’s hurting Beau, then being in the first row of the audience to my so-called life is probably not the best idea.
There’s no time for me to dwell, given Elijah becomes restless. After a feed, burp, and diaper change, he refuses to go to sleep. I feed him again, but something bothers him. It’s like my own sadness is being projected onto him. He’s incredibly unsettled, and with my patience wearing thin, all I can do is rock him around the house.
Mom and Dad are out late, so I try to navigate this independently. I realize just how hard it is not to be able to ask anyone for help. It seems unfair to call them to come back home, but as the night drags on, Elijah does not budge. I’m this close to calling Millie or Ava and asking what the hell I should do. I find myself in more tears, utterly exhausted. Eventually, somewhere after midnight, Elijah falls asleep just before my parents come home.
I don’t last long, crashing once he does.
When morning comes and the sun has risen, Elijah is quick to wake up. My body is dead tired, sore, and aching from I don’t know what. How I’m going to last the entire day is beyond me.
Just like a zombie, I go about my usual routine with Elijah. It’s a nice day out, so I try to leave the house because thinking about tonight only brings on more stress.
Outside, the sun is glaring, and my eyes are sore from all my crying last night. I place a pair of sunglasses on and drink a ton of water to hydrate. I desperately want caffeine, but given I’m breastfeeding, the last thing I need is a wired-up kid who won’t sleep.
As I sit on a park bench and watch people go by, I think about how tonight will play out. The last time I was at Hunter’s place, I was most likely naked and being fucked by him in every waypossible. Separating our past and possible future won’t be easy. Then, I remember his role in my life as Elijah’s father, and that is it. Despite what Beau may think, there are no plans to get back with Hunter.
He’s married, and why would I want to be with a man who marries a woman for convenience and then tries to start a family with her?
