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The awful thing was she’d hadn’t thought about Lily at all in the last few minutes. She’d been thinking only aboutherself. Now she focused. Lily needed her. And then she remembered Shaun.
‘Darcie?’ Elias’s query was soft yet commanding. ‘Is everything okay?’
She’d been so fixated on wanting him to touch her she’d forgotten everything that was far more important. Now she willed a message to ping on her phone. But there was nothing.Hell. She had to face the reality that the bulk of the independent funds she’d accumulated for herself was all but gone. It wasn’t as if she’d never been let down before. But it was embarrassing to have it all happen in front of Elias, who was always so together and who simply wouldn’t stand for such treatment. She didn’t want to tell him. She didn’t want his pity, or his anger, she wanted another kind of attention altogether. She wanted his—
‘Is there something more I ought to know?’ Elias pressed. ‘You look...’
She didn’t want him to look at her. She didn’t want him to see anything she was truly thinking. Maybe it was better to admit one embarrassment over a far more brutally personal one. ‘It’s Shaun,’ she said baldly.
‘What about him?’ Elias almost bristled.
Yes. It was a good distraction. ‘I need to get in touch with him.’
‘Because?’
‘Because I gave him money to set up his business and I need to make sure the deal has gone through.’
‘You gave him money? When?’ Elias’s eyes widened. ‘Darcie, did youpayhim to marry you?’
‘It was a business arrangement, not so different to this one, really.’
‘But he’s taken the money and run without delivering his end of the deal,’ he said curtly. ‘Howmuch, Darcie?’
What did it matter? ‘As I said, he needed money to invest in his business. I wanted to help and I was going to oversee the accounting once it was underway. If he’d made it a success it would’ve been good for us.’ She saw Elias’s expression turn thunderous. ‘It’s my fault, not his.’
But she’d really thought Shaun had it together. Bitter embarrassment surged. ‘I bet you’re wishing you’d pushed for more from me now, huh. Knowing I was desperate enough to pay someone almost everything I have.’
‘Almost everything?’ Elias couldn’t believe what he was hearing. ‘How much did you transfer to him? When?’
She couldn’t look at him as she told him and he couldn’t look away from her. He’d scarcely been able to look away from her since that moment in front of the celebrant—when he’d very determinedly not kissed her again; when he’d seen her reaction; when he’d felt terrible.
Now he felt worse. Because now he registered how pale she’d grown. There were smudges beneath her eyes and her mouth drooped. She was exhausted—not just physically, but emotionally, and for the first time since that first job interview she looked fragile.
‘That’s a lot of money.’ Elias battled the urge to pull her close and make her lean on him. Instead he forced himself to look away and focus on the scenery out the window. The afternoon was closing. It would be late by the time they finally arrived in San Francisco. Too late to talk through what they’d just done. And he had a million things to organise. ‘You saved all that from working with me?’
‘I didn’t have a lot to spend it on.’
‘Not that you chose to,’ he countered.
But maybe it wasn’t that material things didn’t interest her...she’d just had to make choices. Plus, she’d had little time to spend money on experiences because she was always working for him. So yeah, no wonder she’d been able to save so much.
‘My goal has always been Lily. To do everything I can for her,’ she confirmed his thinking. ‘If I couldn’t become her caregiver then I planned to pay for her to go a good school. I hoped they’d agree. I thought that would have given her stability in that way at least.’
He couldn’t resist trying to slake just some of his curiosity. ‘Did you go to a good school?’
She shot him a startled look. ‘What? No.’
But she was very bright. He knew she could have aced any scholarship exams but he suspected she’d never been given the chance. Why was that? How long had she been in the foster system? Because she had been. She knew ‘what it was like’. The injustice of it burned. Her focus was fully fixed on giving her friend’s daughter a better life than either she or her friend had had. But what about her own life—her dreams forherself? What had those been? What were they now?
His curiosity burned hotter—and most intensely—about her personal desires. Because he’d seen the awareness in her eyes as he’d approached in that sparse, speedy ceremony. He’d felt the receptive softness of her lips. He’d instinctively pulled away.Immediately. He’d had to end it—making it the most minimal of kisses. But he couldn’t have the first time he kissed her properly be in front of costumed strangers complete with camera in hand. He’d ached for privacy and space.
But then he’d seen her face. He’d seen the yearning and the disappointment. That’s when he’d truly understood the depth of her desire. And he was yet to get his heart back to its normal rhythm.
Want, right? Pure, physical want. Still now, even as they were driven back to the plane, he fought the irresistible urge to press her luscious body to his. He wanted to plunder. He wanted everything here and now and it had never been as impossible. Because she was exhausted. So exhausted.
So he had to ignore that unbearable, hungry ache running the length of him. He couldn’t quite believe the events of the day—couldn’t yet figure why he’d reacted to such an extreme. He’dmarriedher. Yet what he was discovering today challenged everything he’d thought he knew. Emotionless Darcie? That couldn’t be further from the truth. And she was nowhere near as immune to him as she’d been acting for these last two years. He’d known that—but not the degree of her interest.
He battled the urge to reach for her hand. If they were to kiss again, it had to happen in privacy. It had to happen when there was the time and space to doeverything. Because if it happened again there would be no stopping. But it couldn’t happen at all until she was ready.
