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‘I’m embarrassed about some things, but I’m notashamed.’ She blinked and looked him in the eyes. ‘I’m proud of Zara and I’m proud of me. I’m proud of what I did and who I am and where I’ve come from. What I’ve overcome.’ She smiled at him a little sadly. ‘Maybe it wasn’t ideal, but it worked. We survived and it was pretty okay. I was working my way up and we were saving for a new flat. But Zara got the flu. I didn’t want her to go to work because she finished late and it was winter and cold but she insisted that she couldn’t miss her shift or they’d replace her. She collapsed in the street on her way home.’
‘Darcie—’
‘It had got into her lungs,’ she said hurriedly, needing to finish this last or she’d never be able to say it. ‘It was so quick. Everything wassoquick. They took Lily away that same day.’
‘Oh, Darcie, I’m so sorry.’
It had been the absolute worst. In hours she’d lost everything. The social worker had been so condescending. They’d disregarded her arguments. She’d had to fight to find out where Lily even was and getting permission to visit—simply to stay in touch—had taken weeks. But she’d been determined to keep Zara’s memory alive for Lily and determined to ensure Lily was as safe as she could be. She’d showered all the love she had to give on the girl each week. It was the highlight of her life.
She bit her lip. ‘I thought I was so smart with the marriage plan. I thought it would make it easy—like be a magic wand or something. But I didn’t appreciate how unrealistic it still really is.’ Her eyes suddenly filled.
Elias took her hand in his and pressed it to his chest. She felt not just the warmth, but the firmness of his grip, the strength of muscle. It wasn’t a sensual touch but supportive. He was literally solid and dependable and it was kind. It should have made her feel better. One tiny part did. But she was spiralling inside.
‘You keep visiting Lily. I’ll come, too. It’ll strengthen your case.’
Wanly, she teased, ‘You coming with me is going to make all the difference?’
‘Absolutely.’ He flashed a smile.
But she still couldn’t smile back yet. ‘This is too much to ask of you.’
‘Because it’s going to take longer than you hoped?’
‘Because it’s going to take more of everything. And even then there are no guarantees. We might fail.’
‘That doesn’t mean we quit before we’ve really begun. Not this time. No avoiding it anymore, Darcie. Because this does really matter. This is for Lily and we do this together. I want her to have a good home, too.’
‘But I should be able to care for her without you having to do all this.’
Elias bit back the frustration roaring inside. His gut instinct was to fight—he wanted to help her and he didn’t want her declaring that she didn’t need him. For Darcie to have been so scared of failing that she couldn’t draw on her usual capability shocked him. This wasn’t the Darcie he knew—the capable woman who seemed unable to be broken. But of course she wasn’t invincible. She’d just learned to mask her fears and work didn’t matter to her anywhere near as much as this little girl did.
She was almost paralysed when facing the things she wanted most.
Now he understood her bond with Lily. Zara and Lily were her family and she’d have done anything to help them and she felt like she’d failed. He knew how that felt, too. He’d failed in his attempts to free his mother from his father’s control. It all just made him want to help Darcie more.
‘That’s why you worked as hard as you did,’ he said. ‘Why you saved all your money.’
But he wondered about her early childhood. Why had she already been in the group home? Why hadn’t her foster family placement worked out? What had happened to her birth parents? But he shelved the questions for now. He didn’t want to push her—that she’d opened up as much as she had already this morning was something.
‘I was good at spreadsheets. I could write reports. I learned I could earn more when I asked for it. It was how I could save for my freedom. And then for Lily.’
And she was right; that should be enough. Maybe it would have been—she’d not applied so she didn’t know. She’d thought she needed a partner to project stability.
‘And then you contacted Shaun.’
‘I know you think I shouldn’t have trusted him.’ She looked at him. ‘But don’t judge him, either.’
He hadn’t had much luck tracking that jerk down yet and hell, yes, he was judging him. He was also—horribly and unjustifiably—jealous. Even though he knew it was Zara who Shaun had loved. Even though he knew Darcie hadn’t been intimate with any man other than himself.
Releasing a tight breath, Elias attempted to lighten the moment for them both. ‘You know what you need?’
She gazed back at him blankly.
‘Lunch. It’s been a long, stressful morning and you need refuelling.’
It took him less than two minutes to empty packets onto a platter.
She chuckled as he placed it on the table. ‘That looks amazing.’
