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Forever only happened in fairytales. She knew there was onlynowand there was never,evercertainty. She knew that better than anyone. And yet again she made herself remember. Elias had been very clear—this wasn’t going to last. It was an interlude. So as lovely as it was, she wasn’t going to ruin it by professing her love for him. He’d be mortified and he’d pity her more than he already did and she really didn’t want him to linger any more than he should if he felt some horrible responsibility for her emotionally as well as financially now. That would be terrible.
So she’d play it light and soon enough he’d give her one of those bracelets from the stock in that second drawer in his safe. His ‘goodbye, lover’ gift. Plus the house. Plus Lily... And she would hold her head high and stay calm. Stay silent.
Only part of her didn’t want to stay silent anymore. She’d got used to speaking her mind with him. To demanding—if not simply taking—what she wanted. As she had last night. And she didn’t want to stop. But to tell him this would wreck everything.
Her greediness was too much—yet hot anger bubbled, mixing with bitterness. Why did she always miss out? Why couldn’t she get it all? After all, it wasn’t so very much, was it? Merely an intangible.
The thing was, she knew he’d give her anythingmaterialthat she asked for. But the unseen, ephemeral things—like trust and unconditional love—he wouldn’t give her those. He wouldn’t giveanyonethose. And she didn’t blame him. So she’d keep her secret to herself. She’d make the most of each magic moment she had with him in this short time. She would keep her heart as safe as she could.
Elias couldn’t stop thinking about Darcie. She’d been gone for a while and he missed her. Too much. It wasalltoo much. He’d thought that the last week would have been enough to sate the desire between them. But it hadn’t. Maybe the fact that he’d wanted her for so long, and suppressed it for so long, had made it stronger. Maybe it was because they were married. Maybe that super quick, flashy ceremony had somehow created something stronger than they’d intended. But that was impossible. In reality it was no more substantial than the thin paper that it was printed on and it could be easily burned away to little more than a few cinders. Yet still it felt like there was a bond building—like steel cord tethering them together. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted to help her with Lily. He wanted everything for her.
She’d been so serious, suppressing so much of her natural vitality, for the time she’d worked for him because she’d had to. She’d had burdens most people wouldn’t cope with. Now she needed joy and laughter, fun and above allfreedom. Not to have to work all the time. Not to have such responsibilities all the time. Not to be constantly afraid that everything was going to come crashing down. Because seeing these glimpses of her—laughing Darcie, natural and free and so beautiful, it meant everything.
It’s not a real marriage.
She’d said that so softly, yet so intensely. As if, if she repeated it often enough it would remain true. As if she were reminding herself. And instead of agreeing like he ought to, there was a rebellious—okay, petulant—streak that had wanted to argue with her. For one mad moment he’d wished it reallywerereal.
Butshedidn’t want it to be real—hence those reminders. And perhaps it couldn’t be real because they’d never been on the same plane. Never on an equal footing. They’d been out of balance the whole time they’d known each other.
She’d had no real choice but to do as he’d wished when she’d been his employee. She’d had to work because she’d been saving money to care for Lily. Even though, yes, she’d held her own with him and helped him more than he’d previously acknowledged, in the end he’d still been her boss. He’d still had far more power than her. And then—in their physical intimacy—he’d had the power then, too, right? He’d had the experience. Except for last night when she’d devastated him.
Since their wedding the floodgates had opened and he couldn’t close them again. His emotions were at sea, the craving uncontrollable. He’d go away for a few hours and think he had himself back together but five minutes in her company and he was undone all over again, unable to stop all sorts of feelings, desires, memories assailing him. He wanted it all to stop.
His father had cheated. His father was controlling. His father had insisted on him following him into the family business. He’d told him again and again that he’d raised him to be just like him—a winner, all-powerful, in control of all. In the end Elias had fought hard to leave and he tried hard never to look back because he knew he’d failed his mother in being unable to help her escape. In convincing her that she even needed to—to recognise that what was going on was so damaging to them all.
But being with Darcie brought up feelings he’d forgotten. Feelings he’d not known before. But worst of all were the fears that things that had happened in the past might happen again. Yet he couldn’t resist her. And he certainly couldn’t leave her.
They’d married to secure Lily’s future—it was meant to have been little more than an arrangement. And while it had turned into more, she didn’tlovehim. Yes, she felt desire. Gratitude. Amusement. But not love. And he knew that in their current situation, she didn’t have the freedom to find out whether deeper feelings could blossom. For him they had. But everything was tangled and he couldn’t trust what he thought was building between them and he certainly couldn’t admit how he was feeling. Because it would make her feel all the more obligated towards him. She’d been denied support and caring and companionship for so long her response would bloom bigger because of that deficit.
So he needed to do the opposite. He needed to keep these burgeoning feelings to himself while somehow ensuring she achieved absolute autonomy. Because maybe if she knew she had complete independence—financially, emotionally—then that freedom would enable her to figure out the decisionsshetruly wanted to make. Maybe she could figure out how she really felt. Even about him. He had to gift her everything somehow. He decided to go in to the office—get a little space to see if that would help him think more clearly. Because he couldn’t work out how he could do it for her. How could he set her free when it was the very last thing he wanted to do?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
LATEINTHEafternoon Elias found Darcie back at the table that he couldn’t look at without remembering being flat on his back with her all but naked and astride him. Now she was clad in threadbare blue jeans and faded tee—some of the clothes she’d retrieved no doubt—nibbling on a wedge of brie cheese and just like that he couldn’t think. But then he’d spent all afternoon thinking. Planning. Now he had to put it into action. But before he could speak she jumped from her seat.
‘We’re going to have Lily for an at-home visit!’ She came close and slid her hands up his chest. ‘The social worker phoned. She’s really positive about how things are going and this is amassivestep, Elias!’
‘That’s wonderful news.’ Yet at the same time his heart sank beneath her touch. But she was so effervescent and kissed him with such enthusiasm he almost lost his head completely. He jerked away, trying to get his brain back.
Darcie blinked and froze but Elias barely noticed. He’d formulated a plan. A good one. He’d gone back to basics. To business. To the language they both understood. And he had to present the case now while he could still remember to.
‘I have something for you,’ he said.
‘Oh?’ She stared at the envelope he held tightly. ‘What is it?’
His heart thumped as he handed it to her and she pulled the paperwork out.
‘It’s a postnuptial agreement,’ he said, too impatient to give her the chance to read it for herself. ‘Seeing we didn’t have time to arrange things before we got married.’
It had been uncharacteristically reckless of him not to have all the details finalised before they’d married but all that had mattered at the time was making things right for her in that moment. He’d not considered the complexities, not realised the ramifications. Now he did. But it wasn’t too late to straighten things out. He watched, his muscles tightening, as she scanned the document silently, quickly flicking through the pages, assimilating and understanding the text.
Finally she lifted her head and looked at him directly. ‘Why are you doing this?’
Elias paused as he saw the coolness in her blue eyes.
‘I’m not a charity case,’ she added before he could answer.
That tone chilled him. Automaton Darcie was back. Only not quite—there was still emotion in her eyes. Except it wasn’t an emotion he’d wanted to see.
