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Darcie nodded, needing the space to think. ‘Thanks. Stay in touch, okay?’
‘Okay.’
She closed the door and leaned against it. Elias had tracked Shaun down. He’d ensured she had her savings back. He’d offered to give Shaun a chance instead of trying to make him pay. When had he done all that? Why? Was he still trying to help her—still feeling sorry for her? Was it only because she’d refused to take his money that he’d made sure she got her own back?
The silence in the office was suffocating. The place was all but dead. His employees were all head down, hardworking, pushing to please him. It should have been great; instead, it sucked.
He missed seeing her there—allaspects of her. He missed efficient assistant Darcie, helping him in more ways than he’d let himself acknowledge. He missed hungry Darcie, surreptitiously snacking on cheese and nuts at the back of the boardroom, and he missed fiery Darcie. Demanding Darcie. Darcie who’d laughed—at him, with him. And breathless Darcie, he missed her, too.
And he didn’t actually care enough anymore about any of the damn deals to be bothered working on them. Work just wasn’t the same. Nothing was. It was supposedly the safe outlet for his demanding tendencies. The place where he could be in control, have the power. It was important and necessary and where he never lost emotional control. It was all paperwork—nothing personal. Only now he saw the ghost of Darcie everywhere. And he thought once again back to that crazy day in his office when she’d been late and he’d been unbelievably angry and then she’d declared she was leaving for her wedding.
He’d all but lost his mind. He’d not stopped to think. He’d just followed her and then there’d been no real reason for offering to step in as her groom other than that he couldn’t stand to see her distressed. She’d been upset and angry and he’d just wanted to make everything better. He’d wanted to please her. But there had been a reason for that. A much bigger, much deeper reason that he’d refused to admit. He’d wanted her forhimself. Because he cared about her. That was why he’d been so angry. He’d had her there in the one way that he could—as his assistant. She was his—working with him, spending all her time with him. But really he’d wanted so much more. Stripped back raw, he just wanted Darcie. And the Darcie that he’d got to know in the week since she’d walked out? He wanted that Darcie most of all.
Unfettered, unafraid Darcie was vibrant and playful. But there had been a time when she’d had to get drunk to summon the confidence to ask what she wanted from him. She’d been hurt; she’d lost almost everyone important in her life. She’d learned toavoidthe things she wantedmost.
He sat very still, realising then just what a colossal idiot he was.
He’d been upset at her reaction to that postnup—but her reaction waseverything.
Because she’d stood up to him. She’d called him out. She’d expressed her desires. And he’d listened, he’d acted on them. He’d respected them—as she said he always did. Which meant hewasn’ttrying to control her and if he ever tried to? She’d soon let him know. She’d soon put him in his place. Darcie was stronger than anyone he knew and he was not like his father. Not in this.
But hehadstill failed her. Because he hadn’t told herhisdesires. He’d not explained whathereally wanted and why he wanted it. And most importantly howhetruly felt. And she deserved—in factneeded—to know that. Darcie needed not just to be shown but told. Darcie needed more evidence than anyone before she could believe. So he needed to fight for her. For them.Now.
Darcie couldn’t stop her mind from going in circles. She’d done the right thing, hadn’t she? She couldn’t stay in an arrangement in which her emotional needs weren’t being met. She couldn’t let Lily have that as her relationship role model. It was better for them both for Darcie to be independent.
She wanted more for Elias, too. She wanted him to feel the same emotional freedom and security she wanted for Lily. For him to know that he could speak up. That hecouldlose control and know he wasn’t ever going to become a monster. And that he would still be loved. Always.
She knew how to love like that. She’d loved her best friend Zara, she loved Lily. She’d fallen in love with Elias. And she loved him so hard. But she needed to be loved that way in return. That was what she was going to do for Lily. Lily would never again know what it was like to be unloved or unwanted or forgotten. She would never learn to be afraid of being honest—of being rejected for it. To be afraid of being out of control and wanting things. If she was lucky enough to succeed, she’d give Lily a home where it was safe to express her emotions. To say what she really felt and thought and not be judged for any of it. Not be rejected.
Darcie hadneverhad that. So she’d kept her thoughts and her feelings to herself. But that wasn’t to say she didn’t have them. Ofcourseshe had them. And yes, she was sad and lonely now. But she’d recover. She still had Lily to focus on. She would rebuild her career, too. Her heart was broken but she would survive. That’s what she always did. But being abandoned was the worst—feeling unwanted, knowing she was alone again—it sucked.
Her conscience pricked. Elias hadn’t abandoned her. She’d all but asked him to leave. And she’d run away before he had the chance to because she’d thought it was inevitable what with that contract he’d wanted her to sign. But she’d not stopped to give him a chance to explainwhyit was so important to him. Instead she’d assumed the worst because shealwaysassumed the worst.
But what if she was wrong? What if there was something more to it? He respected her boundaries. He always had—in fact he had a big thing about ensuring there was power balance between them. And given his parents’ marriage she didn’t blame him for being worried about the imbalance between them. He would never move to stop her if she’d made her wishes clear. And she had. Very quickly. Before he’d had a chance to say all that much.
But she hadn’t made herfeelingsclear. She hadn’t told him how she felt about him because she’d been scared and embarrassed. But maybe she needed to because she’d never felt like this before. And she wasn’t sure he’d heard it before, either—from anyone. He meant so much to her surely she owed it to herself to speak up and give herself the chance?
Or at the very least to have the practice of opening up. And if he rejected her, it couldn’t hurt worse than it already did, right? How could she not find the courage to do this when his actions subsequent to her leaving had given her the hope that perhaps he cared more than he’d let on? Perhaps he’d let her go preciselybecausehe cared. Because he was trying to do whatshewanted.
She had to give herself the chance to find out. She had to givethemthe chance. And she had to do it now.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ITWASJUSTbefore lunchtime when Darcie walked into the plush vestibule of Greyson VC.
‘Darcie?’ Olly, Elias’s driver, was just inside the doors and looked stunned, then concerned, to see her. ‘I thought—’
‘Where is he?’ she interrupted. She didn’t want to know what Olly thought. She didn’t want to lose her confidence now she finally had it. She needed to maintain her momentum before fear forced her give up and run away. Again. This was too important. ‘Can you take me to him?’ she asked, awkwardly breathless.
‘Of course.’ Olly was moving before she’d even finished asking.
Twenty minutes later, in the rear of the sleek, discreet sedan, Darcie’s heart pounded as she recognised the streets she’d bussed through only an hour ago. She leaned forward so Olly could hear her. ‘Are we...?’
‘I dropped him at your flat almost an hour ago.’ Olly nodded.
Darcie flopped back as her pulse sprinted. Elias had come to see her? Why? What had he wanted to say? Would he be waiting for her or would he have given up already? A billion thoughts crowded in, almost overwhelming her. ‘Is he still there?’
‘I don’t know.’ Olly shrugged apologetically. ‘But he hasn’t called me to collect him yet. He said he wouldn’t need me for the rest of the day.’
