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She blinked rapidly. Swallowed. He knew she was battling to hold it together. He didn’t want her to hold anything together and certainly hold nothing back. Not now. He’d put it on the line and ached to know everything she was thinking and feeling and wanting. But he also knew she wasn’t quite able to yet.
‘It’s a first for me,’ he said quietly. ‘And I really don’t know what I’m doing. I thought I could manage it but...’ He shook his head. ‘I got so tangled up in stressing about having too much power, that you were only with me because you’d had no real choice. That you needed work. That it was gratitude. That it was just lust. That you’d never really feel the same as what I do because there’salwaysbeen another layer or ten in our relationship. And I’ve been so scared of turning into my father. You know when you’re told something over and over you begin to believe it. Especially when you’re told by someone important in your life.’
Darcie nodded. She understood. She’d been told she wasn’t welcome, wasn’t wanted, wasn’t worthy—but not as often as his father had talked all that rubbish to him, yet it had been enough to sink in and stay lodged deep beneath the surface. Those lies were hard to dig out and let go of.
‘But I’m not like him,’ Elias said. ‘In fact, in this, I’ve been more like my mother—not speaking up,notsaying what needed to be said. Not saying how I really felt. I promised myself that I’d always do whatever you asked me to. That I wouldn’t stop you from doing things you wanted. That I wouldn’t ever try to control you. So the other day when you insisted on leaving, I couldn’t stop you. But I should have told you things before you left. I should have explainedwhyI really wanted you to sign that thing. Why I didn’t want you to go. I wasn’t honest with you, Darcie.’
He drew breath. ‘To be honest I was too upset to even think. Like that day back at the office when you reminded me you resigned and then told me you were getting married. I just reacted. I was so angry. I’ve never been as angry and I sure didn’t stop to consider why I was so blinded with emotion that I crashed into chairs on the way out. Why was I literally running to stop you? Why was I willing to do anything when I realised how badly I’d upset you? To try to fix things.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s so bloody obvious, Darcie, but we’ve both been too blinkered—too scared—to see the whole picture. You weren’t going to be in my life anymore and that wasn’t just intolerable, that unlocked something in me that couldn’t be forced back into the box it had been in forever. My heart, Darcie. You unlocked my heart. And not just the capacity to love but to feel everything—fear, jealousy, anger, resentment...allthe things. And frankly on paper all those scary things outnumber love. They really do. They were all things Ineverwanted to feel. But then I realised love weighs more. It’sworthmore. And having you in my life is worth everything.’
She nodded—half crying, half laughing, unbearably relieved. Elias would never normally pour out his heart and she could see it was a strain for him to do it now. She could see the sheen on his skin, the uncharacteristic stumbling over words when he normally was efficiently eloquent.
‘I used to think being left was the worst. Being alone. But it’s not.’ Her eyes burned and as she blinked more tears fell. ‘It’s having someone put up with you because they feel theyhaveto, not because theywantto. I couldn’t stand it if I became a burden to you, Elias. I was so worried that would happen and then that you’d only resent me while I’d come to hate you because I wantsomuch more than the passionless marriage we originally agreed to.’
‘You want more?’
‘I wanteverything,’ she breathed. ‘I want everything to be real. I want you and I want Lily and I want more children, too. With you.’ And now Darcie’s heart swelled to bursting because he wanted her to comehome. ‘You were worried about always having some kind of power over me, right?’
He nodded.
‘You wanted me to be free—not to feel any obligation. That’s why you brought that horrible contract home.’
He nodded again. ‘I didn’t realise you’d think it was horrible. I wanted you to be free to choose whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you everything.’
He’d tried to do it all—without her having to ask.
‘So here’s the thing,’ she said huskily. ‘I guess I’ve got pretty good at avoiding being hurt. But I’ve also got good at avoiding having to trust anyone. It’s easiernotto believe that someone will be there for me. Sometimes homes didn’t want me but other times, Ichoseto escape before they could reject me.’ She swallowed hard. ‘Your rejection would destroy me,’ she admitted. ‘So when I saw that contract, I ran before you could do that. Because I didn’t think you’d ever want me the way I wanted you to want me—’
‘But you’re wrong.’
‘Maybe.’ She caught the look in his eye and bit her lip. ‘Okay, wrong,’ she whispered. ‘But I was so scared, Elias. And I’m sorry for that. But I realised I needed to be brave and tell you how I feel.’ She rose on tiptoe and whispered to him. ‘That’s why I came to find you.’
She saw the flicker in his eyes. The shadow of vulnerability that she’d felt so deeply herself for so long. Her handsome, strong lover wasn’t as invincible as he’d like his business opponents to believe. He was as human as she. As capable of being as hurt. And so, reaching for a kind of courage she’d never required more than now, she looked him straight in the eyes and told him the truth. ‘I chooseyou, Elias,’ she breathed, ignoring the tears still slowly tracking down her cheeks. This was too important to hold back or to be embarrassed about just how much emotion she was showing. ‘I choose to be with you and I really hope you choose me back.’
‘You know I already have,’ he muttered roughly. ‘But seeing you this upset is killing me, Darcie—’
‘Then hold me together,’ she begged. ‘Just hold me.’
He shook his head but walked towards her at the same time. ‘If I do that I’ll never let you go.’
‘Good.’
She saw the most gorgeous smile light up his face but then he was there, pulling her close and she closed her eyes in pure relief. His arms wrapped tightly around her and she heard his husky broken whisper into her hair.
‘Don’t ask me to let you go again, Darcie. I don’t think I could stand it.’
‘I don’t want you to. Not ever. I love you.’
His arms tightened even more and it was heavenly. She lifted her chin and he met her lips. She was instantly transported, instantly warmed—from heartbreak to heaven in his kiss, his hold, his love.
‘We, uh, need to get into your flat,’ he muttered breathlessly.
‘We do,’ she gasped.
It took too long to fumble with the key but as soon as they were inside she was back in his arms. They stumbled together working through the swift, desperate dispatch of clothing and the feverish seeking of touch. Of connection. Of love. And when he finally, fiercely thrust home she cried out with utter joy. They moved together—fast and frantic, feverish and urgent—as if neither believed this was actually real and they were together again. Only then they were—moving as one, locked in sync with each other, driven to the sublime moment where the stars burst and bodies simply shook.
‘Darcie!’
Absolute completion followed. And then, when heartbeats slowed and breath was caught, words returned.
