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“You want that coffee I promised you?”
I glared. “Of course, I fucking want it.”
“Then why haven’t you taken it yet?” he asked.
“Because.” I bit my lip.
“Because?”
“Because—” I closed my eyes. “Because what if I do try? What if,” my voice shook, “what if I give it my all? What if I throw everything I am, everything I have left at this, and….” I sniffled.
“And what?” he asked, his voice gentle. “Come on, partner. Talk to me.”
I squeezed my hands into fists at my sides. “And what if I still fail? What if I let them all down? And after this, all I tried, all I did, all you sacrificed for me—”
“It’s not about me. Don’t worry about me,” Rhyan said firmly. “This is about you.”
Too tired to hold it back in, too tired to lie, I let the truth spill out of me. “What if I’m still not enough? What if the Imperator’s right, and I’m wasting everyone’s time?”
I wondered then if this was why I’d been slipping so much lately, why I’d drunk last night, why I’d been forgetting to control my emotions with Tristan and breaking the rules. Maybe it was my fear that even my best wasn’t enough…and it wasn’t worth trying.
Gripping my shoulders, Rhyan leaned forward. “Lyr, listen to me. You are enough. And every fucking word out of the Imperator’s mouth is a Godsdamned lie. You are enough,” he said again, punctuating each word. “And I will tell you that until it sinks in. Every single thing you do is enough. But right now, you’re in your head. And I need you to get out of it. Because what you’re doing is making excuses.” He shook his head, cutting off my protest. “You’re not weak. These are thoughts born of fear, and that makes them lies. You can do this.”
I sniffled again, nodding.
“You think that the two times you did it were flukes? That they were luck? They weren’t. They were you. Your strength, your power, your will. Even tired, even hungover, even without magic, you did it. You! And if you did it before, you can do it again. You can do it another time. And next time, you’re going to do it even faster. And you’re going to do it more times than ever. Because you decide to and for no other reason. You hear me?”
I exhaled a shaky breath, my stomach turning with nerves and the remnants of a cramp, but his message was starting to sink in. “I hear you.”
“Good. Now close your eyes.”
I closed my eyes, which burned with tears. I hadn’t even realized I was feeling all of that. I had been too focused on recovering from my hangover and assuming I was still powerless.
“Are you mad?” he asked.
“No,” I said.
“Liar.”
I opened my eyes to glare at him.
“I said eyes shut.”
I closed them again.
“Tell me, partner. Why are you mad?”
“I’m not mad.” I squirmed a little, but his hands on my shoulders steadied me in place.
“You could say that more convincingly.”
“Or you could take me at my word,” I seethed; that time even I could hear the anger coating my voice.
“I will,” Rhyan said, his voice deepening, “when you give me an honest one.”
My nostrils flared, as I refused to give in and play his game.
“That coffee is just going to get colder and colder,” he said.
