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“I was telling the truth. But I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have even tried to pull anything like that, I was just kind of desperate because all I want in this world is for my dad to be exonerated from this crime he didn’t commit, and you can prove it. You made me so mad. I really thought you would help me.” Syl believed in me, and I’d let her down.I’d have to keep letting her down to stay Bea Case. “Anyway, the blackmail thing wasn’t even my idea. I mean, I had been trying to find you for such a long time because I knew the truth and I knew you were out there somewhere. I never wanted to hurt you, I just wanted to know you and when I finally found you—”
“Wait,” I interrupted her,catchingher. “Whoseidea was it?” Maybe not in a lie, but certainly in an omission. How had she found me anyway?
“What?” Syl shifted, tucking her legs underneath her body, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. She was trying to look innocent. She had said something she hadn’t planned on saying. But didn’t she know by now that I was always listening?
“You said it wasn’t your idea,” I reiterated, harsh in all the consonants.
“I was saying that I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted to find you so I could know you and then maybe you’d take the test to help—”
“Answer my question right now,” I demanded. My skin felt hot and cold at the same time. Goose bumps appeared on my arms; my face went flush.
“Bea, before you—”
“Tell me right now. Did she find you?” I asked the question knowing it was impossible. It had to be impossible.“How?”
“Who?” Syl asked.
“You know who I’m talking about!” I was shouting now, daring her to tell me what I’d long suspected.Shewas never gone. She was neverreallygone. I knew it. I always had. I’d never been able to leave her, it didn’t work, and she was always watching me, waiting to get me when I least expected it.
“Bea, you’re shaking!” Syl came closer to me even though I had gone completely feral. It was frightening but also liberating tooutwardly show what I was actually feeling inside for once in my fucking life. I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I began to pace around the room, tugging at my hair, looming over Syl, demanding that she tell me what I’d long suspected.Shewas still here.
“She found you?” I croaked, my throat having gone completely dry. I wanted to reach for the water but was afraid I wouldn’t be able to swallow. I had lost all control of my body, literally fit to be tied.
“Yes,” Syl confessed, closing her eyes in repentance.
“But you just said you didn’t know her face!” I spat back, knocking the water glass over just to feel like I was still in the room. That I wasn’t dreaming.
Syl looked up at me, completely bewildered by my unhinged behavior. “Bea. You have to calm down.”
“How dare you tell me to calm down! How dare you trusther! You think she cares about you? She doesn’t, I don’t know what she told you. She told you she would help you if you helped her? Please. She doesn’t help anyone but herself! Where is she? Iknewshe was here. I could feel her. I’ve always felt her around me. Hiding and waiting to strike when I’m not looking, especially now, with the baby coming. I haven’t been able to sleep. Not without seeing her in my dreams, my nightmares, every night. Everything could be taken away from me, don’t you get it? Everything!”
Then I started to cry. The weakest form of release, but probably the one I needed most.
“No, Bea. No. You’re misunderstanding me.” Syl came forward to hug me, possibly to restrain me, but I pulled away from her reach. “Hey, everything’s going to be okay, we’ll figure this out together.” It infuriated me that her tone was so calm. So patronizing. I wasn’t a child. I never got to be a child. She couldn’t take care of me. Nobody could. I was the only person who could take care of me.
“Whereis she?” I growled at Syl. “How could you not tell me? What do youreallywant? What are you two going to do with me?”
“Bea. Listen to me. Listen. I have no idea where our mother is. No idea at all. She hasn’t found me. Do you know where she is?”
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Pregnancy was making me lose my mind.
Of course Mother wasn’t around. She couldn’t be.
“But thenwhowere you talking about?” I asked.
“Gale,” Syl whispered, a knife to my heart.
“Gale,” I huffed in response, so betrayed, so incensed. All this time? Gale knew all this time. She always had. Syl? Sweet Syl?MySyl? Gale had strung me along the whole time with all of her plotting and planning. For what? To persecute me slowly, like a poison. Watch me make a life for myself, only to take it all away. Watch me make a friend, my firsteverfriend, and she’s nothing of the sort. And Syl was just a pawn in Gale’s game. A willing one at that. Gale had always seen me. Perhaps before we even met in the flesh. I was a moving target for her and she wouldn’t shoot until everything was lined up just so. Where did I come from and how could she exploit it? She knew. Hunted me down. By engaging in play, the dark play I love, letting me believe I could win while she diligently kept digging my grave behind the scenes, waiting for the right time to push me in and bury me alive.
“She found me,” Syl explained. “I had tried for so long to find you and then Gale came around, saying she was good friends with Collin and that you two were getting serious. She explained how the family was and that I’d have to tread lightly, so she would recommend mefor the job with Collin. She knew I wanted to help my father and she said you would take the test once you got to know me properly. She just said I should follow her plan. That it would be good for everybody. And she said that if you didn’t want to take the DNA test, that the sexual harassment threat about Collin would force your hand and you’d forgive me when the truth came out, which sounded like a really harsh Plan B, but you have to understand. I’mdesperateto free my dad, Bea. If I could do anything to help him, I would do it. I’m sorry. I should have known better because Gale is so weird, and when I realized she was only trying to hurt you, I distanced myself from her. But I couldn’t distance myself from you. You’re exactly how I hoped you would be, and I justknowyou’re my sister and we can be there for each other, if you would just trust me.”
