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I sighed out my nose. "It's probably nothing."
"It might not be nothing," he said. "Out with it. If you can't talk to me, then who can you talk to?"
I frowned. "When that journalist guy was talking about pregnancy tests, she had a funny look on her face."
Now Jude frowned. "Funny, like she was pissed off that he would ask about shit like that? Or—"
I shook my head. "I don't know. I guess so. Remember the time my mom back to cookies and we snuck in and stole a couple while they were still hot?"
He grinned. "Yeah, they were delicious. Your mom was so mad."
"Yeah, then she told us we stole cookies made for the kids in the hospital. She was making them for their special Christmas party."
His grin faded slightly. "I remember. I think we both felt guilty as hell after that. What has this got to do with anything?"
"Her expression reminded me of yours that day," I said. "Like she was guilty for getting caught."
My words hung in the air until realization crossed his face.
"Wait, you think Hayley might be pregnant?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I'd like to think if it has anything to do with me, she would tell me."
"Maybe doesn't have anything to do with you," Jude reasoned. "No offense, but you're not the only guy in the world. And she's cute. She probably has men throwing themselves at her all day every day. She and Roman have gotten pretty close lately."
I shook my head slowly. "I heard them talking outside the bus and they said they're just friends." I shouldn't hate the idea of them being more to each other, but I liked her enough to feel a twinge of envy.
"I've heard of just friends sleeping together before," he said.
"Me too," I agreed. "But I don't think that's what's going on here. I… I don't think she seeing anyone else either."
"So if she is pregnant," Jude said slowly, "chances are…"
I closed my fingers tightly, letting the water from the side of the glass dribble down my hand. "It might be mine." And if it was, I had no idea how to think about it. Was I ready to be a father? Would I be any good at it? Would she even want me in her and the baby's life? Could I keep touring, knowing I was leaving a kid at home? Should I be asking these questions in my brain or to her, face-to-face?
"Like I said, I might be reading something into it that isn't there. She did apologize to Strike for letting the interview get out of hand. Maybe that's all it was." I took a sip of my drink.
"Then whose test was it?" he asked.
"If there really was a test," I said. "That's another thing, we don't even know if it's real. This whole conversation could have been for nothing."
"Not for nothing," he said with a smile. "You got to talk to me."
I jabbed him with my elbow. "I get to do that basically all the time anyway."
He rubbed his arm where I'd jabbed him. "And it's special every time."
"Keep telling yourself that," I teased.
"I will, because I know it's true," he said. He scratched his eyebrow right beside his piercing. "I'm starting to think the closet is a good idea. Because you two definitely have things to talk about. I can't remember having ever seen you look rattled, but you look it now."
"Can you blame me?" I asked. "I'm starting to wonder which way is up."
"You're probably adding two and two and reaching sixty-nine. Unless this is your subconscious mind's way of telling you your deepest, darkest desires." He raised his eyebrows and took a sip of his own drink.
"You think deep down I want Hales and I to make babies?" I hadn't thought about it before, but putting it that way, it was appealing. I realized I did want to be with her and I'd wasted so much time already. I always thought I'd be a father some day. Maybe not so soon, but eventually. I could actually picture her and I raising a couple of them. A nice big house in the suburbs with a big backyard, dog and cat, and a soundproof room where I could practice whenever I wanted to. Maybe an office for her with a water view. Of course, our bedroom would have to have a water view too. And nice big bed where we could…
Yeah, I was getting way ahead of myself now.
