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Lucy lets go of my hand and suddenly I’m untethered again. Floating. Scared. I breathe deeply to stop the panic that’s beginning to well up. Then there’s a warmth in my hand. Fingers wrapping in mine. Not Lucy’s.
“If you have touched her, I swear to god, I’ll rip your throat out. That goes for all of you.”
I grip the hand tightly. I already know who it belongs to. Lucy is going to turn away from Nolan at any second and see the love of her life holding my hand. I want to let go of Josh, but I can’t. I’m torn between my twin and the man who showed me who I really am.
“Lauren. What did they do to you?” Her voice is calm. Soft.
I shake my head. I can’t put it into words what they have done to me. They’ve abused me, belittled me, hurt me, fed me, saved me. They’ve shown me a life I never knew existed.
“Us?” Josh shouts out. “We saved her from your fucking father. What have you done to her? Where has she been hiding for all of these years?” His fingers tighten around mine as though he needs to defend me against her. He’s crazy if he thinks Lucy would ever hurt me.
“There’s no mention of a Lauren Waldgrave anywhere in connection to Lucinda or Peter Waldgrave on the internet,” Dacre pipes up.
“No, there wouldn’t be,” Lucy says, her tone hard and sharp. “She doesn’t fucking exist. You never met her, you never saw her and you need to forget the name Lauren Waldgrave. Come on Lauren, we’re leaving.” She takes my hand in hers and pulls. I yelp as I’m pulled between her and Josh.
“Our girl is not going anywhere.”
Our girl! My mutinous heart skips a beat. It was inevitable, right from the start, that I’d belong to these men. I hate all three of them, but the thought of leaving has my heart torn in two. They showed me what it was to finally feel. They gave me life. They tried to destroy me and in doing that, they saved me. I can’t live without Lucy, but I don’t know if I want any kind of life without these men in it.
39
LUCINDA
The real Lucinda
Seeing my old boyfriend in the paper with Lauren was like being hit by a truck. Of all the people to find her with, Joshua Nix was the last person I’d expected. Josh was the love of my life. The one that got away, or at least the one I pushed away when my father thought I was old enough to be shared around his friends. I can’t even begin to piece together how he ended up with her.
My throat constricts when I see her holding his hand. She doesn’t know the world. Doesn’t know anything. In that moment, I realize I’ve only ever seen her in the bubble of the basement room of our house. As an extension of me and not a human being in her own right. If she could have ended up with anyone, I’d want it to be Josh. I would trust him with my life. He’s changed so much since that fateful day when I told him goodbye. He’s taller, more muscular. He’s a man now and not the boy I remember. He’s also hotter than hell. The irony that Lauren is holding onto him for dear life when she can’t even see how unbelievably gorgeous he is doesn’t escape me. He always had long hair, but he’s grown it out past his shoulders. Tattoos snake down both arms, ending at the wrist, and I have to push back the thought of what might be under his t-shirt and just how far those tattoos go. He’s not the boy I once knew. He’s darker somehow, more intense. He grew up. We both did, but I still see the boy in his eyes. Eyes that are glaring at me in a way I’ve never seen before. For years, I dreamed about Josh and the way he used to look at me as though I was the only thing of beauty in the world. I guess things have changed. I see only malevolence and hostility in his stare now.
“She’s leaving. She’s not safe here,” I say.
“Hang on a minute.” A guy I don’t know, but I assume to be Alexander Dacre, steps between me and Lauren. “How did you find us?”
“Does it matter?” I sigh. “If I found you, then he will, too.” Our father.
Alexander crosses his arms across his chest. I guess Josh isn’t the only one with hostility toward me. “It matters!”
I pull out a newspaper and throw it at him. It’s already folded to the gossip pages. He opens it up and shows it to Josh and the other man. I already know what they will see. A photo of Edward Bailey at a masquerade ball last night and in the background, none other than Lauren and Josh. Both are wearing masks, but it doesn’t take a genius to know it’s them. Even with the weird hairstyle Lauren has gotten, I could still see it was her. From then it was a simple matter of calling Edward who told me where to find Josh. He financed one of my movies once. In any other circumstance, I might have been at that party. If I wasn’t in hiding. “If I found you, then he will, too.” I repeat.
“He won’t,” Josh says, his eyes flashing pure anger at me. I wonder what I’ve done to deserve such resentment. I’ve dreamed about bumping into Josh again for so many years, it was inevitable it would one day happen. We move in some of the same circles. Funnily enough, I never expected it to be quite like this.
“We need to leave now.”
His jaw hardens, and he finally lets go of Lauren’s hand. My heart turns to stone when I see how bereft she looks. What has he done to her? He gestures with his head for me to follow him. I cast a glance at the two other men. Alexander Dacre in his suit and the other man with a shaved head and tattoos right up his neck. I don’t know them, and I don’t want to leave Lauren alone with them for one second. I lean into Lauren. “I’m going outside with Josh. I’ll keep a watch on you the whole time, okay? I take her hand and squeeze her palm, but when I stop, her hand drops to her side. My heart hurts with how sad she looks. Once again, I wonder what these men have done to change her so much. Just over a week ago, she wouldn’t have let me go.
“She doesn’t belong to you,” I snap, when I close the door of the terrace. I angle myself so I can see Lauren through the glass doors.
“She doesn’t belong to you either. She wants to be here.”
“Have you actually asked her that?” I say. The look on his face tells me he hasn’t. “She’s a human being. Just because she’s blind and in trouble doesn’t mean you get to save her. She’s not me, Josh.”
His mouth curls down at the edges. “No, she fucking isn’t you. She’s everything you aren’t.”
It’s like being slapped in the face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He reaches pulls out a cigarette and twirls it between his fingers. Behind him I see the strange shaved haired man holding Lauren. Anger blossoms in my chest until I see that she’s hugging him.
“Did your father force you to sleep with his friends back then?”
