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My eyes glance over to the house and wonder what the sexy vixen next door is doing. I should go over and tell her I’m sorry, but there’s still work to do. This ranch isn’t going to run itself. An apology can wait until this evening.
“Later,” I say, and the finality in my tone tells Tay that this conversation is over.
Chapter Five
Andi
“Run away, you dumb bitch! All men are scum!”
My words echo off the walls of my empty living room as I yell at my phone. Maybe trying to watch a sappy chick-flick wasn’t the best idea. Clearly, I’m in no mood forloveor anything of the sort.
Even though I’m against love, the thought of Jonas Mitchell keeps popping into my head. Earlier after I came back inside, I caught glimpses of him through the window. He and a few other guys were moving giant bales of hay around, and every time Jonas picked one up, I could see his arm muscles flexing. By the time I walked away from the view, I practically had to wipe the drool off my chin.
Yes, the man’s hot, but I don’t need that in my life. I’m sure a man like that is nothing but heartache, and I’ve had enough of that to last me a lifetime. My attraction to him is purely physical. And I’m sure it’s mainly influenced by the fact that I haven’t had an orgasm in over a month. And before that, it had been even longer since I had one that wasn’t brought on by something battery-powered.
For months, Michael floated the excuse that he was tired and stressed from work, which made him almost indefinitely not in the mood. Apparently, it was just the fact that he was exhausted from his romps with someone else.
Bastard.
And even when we did do it, it was always fairly one-sided. He’d pump in and out of me for a couple of minutes, not even bothering to get either of us fully undressed before he’d fill the condom and roll off of me.
A laugh escapes me at the fact that he insisted we use condoms even though the doctor told me that it would be practically impossible for me to get pregnant. It never made sense why he insisted on wearing one until now.
Then again, it doesn’t seem like he was quite so careful with Stacy since she ended up knocked-up.
Of course, when Michael and I first got together, things were far better. We began dating in high school after becoming best friends. It was almost like it was the next logical step.
Hey, we already know everything about each other and get along great. Why not take things to the next level?
And that’s what we did. We were each other’s first everything, and it was fun and exciting learning what the other liked. It was all so sweet and innocent.
After high school, we went off to college together in California, and things continued to go smoothly. We found a comfortable rhythm that worked for us, and when we graduated, it seemed logical for us to get married.
It all just seemed to fall into place, but looking back on it, I wonder if we married for convenience rather than head-over-heels love. Don’t get me wrong. I loved Michael. I loved him so much, but we always seemed to be lacking any kind of passion.
So why stay in a marriage without passion? Security. Safety. Complacency.
Whatever it was, it wasn’t working toward the end. Clearly, he thought so because he found someone else. Someone with whom he’d been sharing a life with for years. I wish I knew why he didn’t tell me that he thought it was over. We could have each gone our separate ways. Did he think he could just lie forever, and I’d never find out? Would he have ever told me? Or was he waiting on me to file the papers so that he could go to bed without a guilty conscience at night?
Questions constantly swirl through my mind. Questions that I will never get answers to.
I have to do my best to move on, knowing I’ll never get the closure that I so desperately need. Honestly, that’s one reason I packed up and moved, and also the fact that there was absolutely nothing keeping me in California aside from a mortgage on a house I hated and a dead-end job.
I figure that if I am hundreds of miles away from my old life, maybe I won’t think about it so much. I won’t question every single event that has happened in my life with a man who I once thought was my soulmate.
Yet here I am, sitting in my new living room all alone, thinking about it.
No. Enough of this.
Picking up my phone, I turn off the sappy movie and try to find something that won’t have me in my feelings quite as much. I bounce back and forth between all of my streaming apps, trying to find anything that sounds interesting enough to keep me out of my head.
I settle on a typical slasher horror flick that I haven’t seen before and settle onto my little bed I’ve made on the floor. I continue to munch on the snacks that I bought for my road-trip. As much as I usually love them, snack cakes and potato chips are getting old. Tomorrow, I’m going to have to venture into town and get actual groceries.
Making myself comfortable, I turn on the movie and get lost in it. I jump in the typical places, but I fly a foot off the floor when there’s a knock on my door.
Who the hell?
Slowly, I get up and begin to walk toward the door. Part of me is so freaked out by the movie that I’m scared someone’s coming to slash my throat. Not that I could really do anything about it. I have nothing in this house that could act as a weapon.
